Next headline: "The economy is doing super duper awesomesauce but Americans keep saying shit's fucked: Economists baffled"

Anyone else think it’s cool to just fly solo as a good human, no religion attached?

Religion does not have a monopoly on morality, despite what many preach. Be kind, and believe what you want.

Me before reading the article: It's got to be dates. Excel thinks everything is a date.

Me after reading the article: Even the workaround is halfhearted. Jeebus.

Netflix, what are you trying to do? I can't cancel my subscription in protest if it's still cancelled from the last time you did something boneheaded.

We also don't need yet another self-obsessed septuagenarian calling shots that will have ramifications long after they're dead. Especially one who owes their wealth and influence to fucking coal.

Thank you, CaptObvious.

...you know, your username makes it difficult to sound sincere when addressing you.

If only there was a good guy with a gun to save us from the "good" guy with a gun who shot a good guy with a gun who stopped a bad guy with a gun.

"The only moral drugs are my drugs!"

• my alcoholic pothead benzo-popping mom

“We prefer to be called ‘housing providers’”

Landlords provide housing like scalpers provide concert tickets.

It's more likely than you think.

Humans: "Give wasps a chance!"

Wasps: "Fuck humans. Fuck them all. Over and over. With your ass spikes. Bonus points if you take out an eye."

In this timeline, the edge is so far gone that it's faded into myth.