It sounds like your reasoning is similar to how a lot of people feel about the word 'moist'.
I wouldn't be happy if the descriptor for me was viscerally hurtful to myself.
I think the big difference is the world we live in. Lgbtq+ are being targeted by rightwing fucks all over the world. Talking about how you don't like the word sounds a lot like 'Im just asking what a woman is'. It's not exactly transphobic, but those phrases are often used by people trying to legitimize their hate. For example, take a look at JKRs change in rhetoric.
As others have said, the analogy is wrong, but for different reasons than what I've seen.
A better analogy is an abusive relationship. There's your partner who beats you regularly. You're often left bruised. You talk about leaving and the response is 'the other guy will break your arms, and unless you agree to stay with me, they're moving in and they will break your arms. I'm still punching you, and there's no chance I'll stop, but I'm better than that person.'
There is a cycle of abuse. Look it up. There's no way to make an abusive relationship better. There's very little chance that a person will change while they have power over a victim. Power gives up nothing without a fight.
The abuser might change, but only after reflection and a loss of power.