One of my favorite passages from Mark Twain's "The Awful German Language":

There are ten parts of speech, and they are all troublesome. An average sentence, in a German newspaper, is a sublime and impressive curiosity; it occupies a quarter of a column; it contains all the ten parts of speech -- not in regular order, but mixed; it is built mainly of compound words constructed by the writer on the spot, and not to be found in any dictionary -- six or seven words compacted into one, without joint or seam -- that is, without hyphens; it treats of fourteen or fifteen different subjects, each inclosed in a parenthesis of its own, with here and there extra parentheses which reinclose three or four of the minor parentheses, making pens within pens: finally, all the parentheses and reparentheses are massed together between a couple of king-parentheses, one of which is placed in the first line of the majestic sentence and the other in the middle of the last line of it -- after which comes the VERB, and you find out for the first time what the man has been talking about; and after the verb -- merely by way of ornament, as far as I can make out -- the writer shovels in "haben sind gewesen gehabt haben geworden sein," or words to that effect, and the monument is finished. I suppose that this closing hurrah is in the nature of the flourish to a man's signature -- not necessary, but pretty. German books are easy enough to read when you hold them before the looking-glass or stand on your head -- so as to reverse the construction -- but I think that to learn to read and understand a German newspaper is a thing which must always remain an impossibility to a foreigner.

Celebrity gossip. I'm just not interested in who married who, who's wearing what, who's doing who.

And reality TV, but if ratings are any indication, I'm the weird one on that.

This is dumb, but I actually don't blame the couple THAT much. It's probably a shitty sexual education coupled with the taboo of talking about it. I went to abstinence-only sex ed back in the day, and all we were told was "sex before marriage is evil," and basically nothing else. If it wasn't for my church's (yeah, seriously!) really good sex-ed classes, I would have been dumb as bricks.

The DARE officer at my school (anti-drug police officer supposed to scare you straight) was actually yelled at by my health teacher for saying "sharing needles can cause STIs, oh and also wear a condom." A teacher shouted "Abstinence only, no condoms!" at a bunch of ninth-graders. Moron. Although I guess the kids in that class wouldn't have had trouble getting pregnant.

Damn that FDA and their suppression of...*checks list...sunshine?

Was the solar eclipse an inside job?!?

"Stop laughing," the department chief said in an interview with WLMY. "This is a wheel problem for us."

No thanks, I'm not into Pokemon

The company also said it would “accept Twitter.com as compensation">

Lol

I feel like important context is that they were kids of the manager. That changes this from a bad corporate governance and exploitation of labor situation to something else: a bad parenting/child abuse, bad corporate governance and exploitation of labor situation.

Dear Quora, I ate this sandwich but now I haven't pooped in 23 days. Should I go see a doctor, or will my friend's MLM elderberry quinoa enema rinse help?

Whatever, you woke LGB123+ virtue signaler. You just can't handle my alpha red pillness!

/s

"This shirt is dry-clean only. Which means... ...it's dirty!"

~Mitch Hedburg

Anyone else hate that the Gadsden flag has been appropriated by ultra-libertarian jingoists? It's an awesome-looking flag with a cool history and symbolism, but I feel like I couldn't fly it without looking like a twat.