this post was submitted on 28 Jul 2023
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Autism

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Image text: @agnieszkasshoes: "Part of what makes small talk so utterly debilitating for many of us who are neurodivergent is that having to smile and lie in answer to questions like, "how are you?" is exhausting to do even once, and society makes us do it countless times a day."

@LuckyHarmsGG: "It's not just the lie, it's the energy it takes to suppress the impulse to answer honestly, analyze whether the other person wants the truth, realize they almost certainly don't, and then have to make the DECISION to lie, every single time. Over and over. Decision fatigue is real"

@agnieszkasshoes: "Yes! The constant calculations are utterly exhausting - and all under the pressure of knowing that if you get it "wrong" you will be judged for it!"

My addition: For me, in addition to this, more specifically it's the energy to pull up that info and analyze how I am. Like I don't know the answer to that question and that's why it's so annoying. Now I need to analyze my day, decide what parts mean what to me and weigh the average basically, and then decide if that's appropriate to share/if the person really wants to hear the truth of that, then pull up my files of pre-prepared phrases for the question that fits most closely with the truth since not answering truthfully is close to impossible for me.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CvPSP-2xU4h/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago

Also it inflates the meaning of the question. It took me quite a lot of time to realize that my friends ask me how I am and really want to know it.

(I'm not autistic fyi.)

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (6 children)

Seeing all of these posts that I agree with in this community is really opening my eyes…

My 4 year old daughter was diagnosed with autism and I’ve been learning so much just through her and some of the readings I’ve done.

Excuse my ignorance, but is this a trait that is passed down? If so, I’m trying to figure out how did I make it this far in my life without the proper coping mechanisms.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

This community has my fav memes. Most relatable.

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[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago

Dan's final comment succinctly calls out the situations which irk me the most. You asked me how I'm doing. I answered honestly... and now you're going to judge me for that? Yeah, nah. I'd rather just not answer at all, thanks, instead of dealing with that bullcrap.

Which, over the course of time, led me to the analytical conclusion that more often than not, most people don't actually care how -- or even if -- I answer at all, unless I make the "mistake" of answering honestly when I'm not feeling perfectly peachy. That's why I almost always answer with something vaguely nonsensical when asked how I'm doing by random strangers, such as, "Howdy, howdy!" Most of them are so locked into their autopilot that they only ever hear that first syllable, and immediately think I just asked them how they're doing... so they reflexively toss back their obligatory, "Oh, I'm fine." Once in a blue moon, one of them will skip a beat and realize what I actually said just after their reply, making the passing interaction vaguely uncomfortable for them. Which, you know... is actually just fine by me, since that's how I feel almost all the time.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I hate smalltalk. It's a waste of time.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago

Haha! You're sooo right....yeah... So, how's it going?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I used to try (I can't always talk) and reply honestly and that made people treat me weirdly and try to take advantage.

I then tried making appropriate things up and that kinda worked but some people got angry and ended up calling me a liar and assumed a whole bunch of awful stuff on top of that, so ultimately it ended badly.

Now I just avoid people and conversation as much as I can and give vague, noncommittal and brief answers if anyone tries talking to me.

This works in the short term but anything longer than a few minutes has people assuming negative things about me, which if I have to interact with them again over time, means they can get emotional (angry) over the things they've assumed about me.

Life is so much nicer without involving other people.

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