this post was submitted on 05 Jan 2024
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Are there handguns small enough to fit inside a Petri dish? Or do you just aim the handgun at the Petri dish? Does the handgun need to be loaded? If it must be loaded, will blanks suffice? Does a larger caliber reduce the time needed to aim the handgun at the Petri dish? Is there a specific distance to the dish from which one must aim the handgun? Are rifles, shotguns, and machine guns specifically excluded? Will a sword work? It’s generally made of the same kind of material as a handgun. Is it necessary to stand on a chair while wearing a lab coat while aiming the handgun? Can two hands be used to aim the handgun? Does engaging the handgun’s safety have any effect on the contents of the Petri dish?
XKCD’s not being very helpful.
If we just go around shooting cancer cells, we'll end up with bullet-resistant super-cancers.
If we can harvest those to make ballistic vests, then I see opportunities.
So, like Venom?
Blank probably would work. Those can still kill at point blank
I don't know of any handguns small enough to fit into a petri dish. The handgun must be loaded and fired at the petri dish. A large caliber will be easier to aim since it would decrease the need for accuracy. Close range is a better distance. Shotguns and machine guns would do an even better job, rifles are fine. A sword decreases the likelihood of destroying a virus because of its low energy. Standing on a chair while wearing a lab coat makes you look cooler. Two hands can be used to aim the gun if it helps you. The handgun will not fire with the safety on, thus decreasing the probability of destroying the virus.
Reading between the lines, should we throw Covid patients into volcanos?
Every experiment so far has shown that when you toss COVID patients into active volcanoes instead of using the standard treatment there's a 99% reduction in deaths by COVID, but big pharma doesn't want you to know that
They count those are covid deaths just to make trump look bad! /s
That 1% of patients was just earl, who died of covid on the ride up to the caldera. Shouldn't really be counted.
They'll have enough lava to last the rest of their lives!
Has this been tested yet? .... or have they already tested it and haven't told anyone?
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Only if they refuse to be vaccinated…
I'm pretty sure this is the basis of Scientology -- throwing the unvaccinated into volcanoes so they can become force ghosts.
Yes, we single.
Autocorrect hates me.
They go back to words and rewrite them on iOS!
They don't want you to know it works, but I've been microdosing lava for years now. Now everything tastes the same and I can fly.
How are your shits?
Well... turns out tiny shards of volcanic rock are sharp enough to make surgical scalpels. So, colorful.
Well, I'm convinced.
Technically a close-range gamma ray burst can kill coronavirus, but there’s a good reason no one is using it for that purpose: it’s a goddamned close-range gamma ray burst.
Oh, look at Big Astronomy trying to tell me how I should practice Extinction Level Events.
Fuck you B.A., I'll go extinct however I wanna!
You can have a little extinction, as a treat.
I am confused? Suffer not the non-human to live
You want Hulks? 'Cause that's how you get Hulks.
Appoint this internet commenter as surgeon general of Florida! We must get the truth out about medicinal lava!
That commenter already is the surgeon general of Florida.
Fuck it's hard to keep up with modern medicine. Here I am like a fool still drinking bleach.
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My sister's baby's daddy's cousin's roommate drank lava, and it cured his cancer. Then, he quit taking drugs. Why does Big Geology support cancer and drug addiction?
Every time you tell this story you leave out the fact his testicle (yeah he only got one) swole up to the size of a basketball and I think that's pretty important
They've played us for absolute fools
This is such bullshit. You can't drink lava.
It's really more like a soft taffy. You eat it. I eat lava all the time and I'm FINE. eat the lava kids
Why is this forbes article written like the author's brother-in-law suggested lava as a cure for covid and he rolled his eyes and went "Now I gotta debunk THIS shit."
technically lava can kill coronavirus
is this really a forbes article? actually it's probably more truthful than usual
It is really a Forbes article:
Apparently it came about after Trump suggested drinking bleach.
the floor is lava, and coronavirus can't touch it
The solution here is obvious. Molten lava N95 masks - perfect for cold weather!
You can't drink lava from plastic glasses.
Plastic is bad for the environment and our bodies anyway.
You can't stop me from trying
Yup. And to complement this, gotta love when people react to the side effects of water!
Looks like the Pompeiians figured it out before we all did.
Next they're gonna tell me to stop throwing my used car batteries in the ocean
I will take a bottle of fresh organic mineral lava!
Big geology? You mean Dominos pizza?
I thought the media said to drink chlorine to fight coronavirus. 😅
Well, if you were to pour molten tungsten into the lava, the lava would freeze the tungsten. Really useless, but I love this fact.
It's a conspiracy by Big Rock.
Just a little sip.
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