Yeah nothing like waking up soggy and slowly rotting

If you'd like I can give you a lobotomy and spritz you a few times a day

When you expect it. I was at a grocery chain here in Canada called 'Superstore' and I was walking by the misters when they went off, but the one beside me didn't. Like an idiot I moved in and examined the mister.

Nothing happened. I turned away and started looking at products in the other direction.

That is when whatever had dried on the nozel had partially shot off and hit me in the back along with the mister soaked my back from my head to the top of the butt of my pants.

It was -43°C outside.

Oh to be a vegetable growing in a field on a dewy morning

This is your reminder that misters don’t preserve freshness. Depending on the food they actually accelerate rot. The grocery stores use them because they add weight to the produce so they can charge you more.

Moisturized, in your lane,

I mean... the vegetables in the store are corpses. They were plants, and then they were cut away, and now they're dying.

You might as well say "I bet the chicken breast feels so snug in its vacuum-sealed styrofoam tray thing". And I bet some of you would 😛

I'm not saying don't anthropomorphize stuff, and I'm not saying there can't be whimsy, I love the whimsy! But in this case the lettuce was alive, but the lettuce under the mister isn't. That's why they're misting it.

Vegetables are leading a better life than your average warehouse worker

oh yes, to have cold water sprayed on my dismembered corpse, how "refreshing".