The only answer

Ooh you touch my tralala

They don't knock.

FedEx in Sweden doesn't even leave their warehouse to succeed in making their failed delivery. Same with UPS. It's honestly impressive how successful these two companies can suck at doing the only thing they're enlisted to do.

I can see in tracking that my packages first get scanned upon arrival to their regional warehouse, and then within 15-30 minutes it becomes "failed delivery, no one home". Even if I was to be their first stop, driving from the warehouse to my house would take at least 2 hours. Maybe they're actually trucking it at 300km/hr, but then I'd notice the police chase. But no truck ever seen. Many days I worked from home because I was to get an urgent package that never came.

After the first few times, I joined their "My Choice" and "Delivery Manager" or whatever they call it... but that did absolutely nothing, even if I explicitly choose "leave the package at my doorstop, I don't care if someone steals it", the shit still never leaves their warehouse!

I have never seen the face of a single FedEx or UPS man in real life, despite having 30+ packages from them over the years. Maybe they don't dare to show themselves after screwing me over for so many years...? But then they could at the least just throw my packages outside my door and run for their life instead of hoping I'm going to drive to your warehouse and pick it up myself!

If I want to buy something and don't see a PostNord or DHL option, I'm not buying. And if it ends up being FedEx/UPS somehow, I contact the seller to choose something else, or to just give me a refund directly, because it's not gonna arrive.

And what might come as a surprise for some Germans, DHL here works wonderfully basically 100% of the time. Thank you Germans for doing your jobs ❤️

That's if they knock at all

Those FedEx scumbags creep up to your door like a ninja, slap the sticker tag on your door, and sneak off with the package still in the van.

False, FedEx don't knock

I don't see cold on the cob, which is my favorite.

FORCEY FUN TIME, jesus christ XD

Ding dong dash is what we called it in the Midwest, US.

Tolkien's first draft

No, it’s Ding Dong Ditch!

Mhm, midwest US and N***** Knocking was what we were told it was called, because of course.

It became Ding Dong Ditch once we grew up a little.

Honky Hookin'

there's a small danger some 2A moron will answer the door with a gun in hand.

Well duh, that's why you gotta run fast!

I did, and I called it that. Grew up in the middle of Arkansas and didn't know any better. I learned better eventually, and I regret things I did and said back then.

I always heard it referred to as "ding dong ditch" in the 90s. But I'm Canadian and my only exposure to American terminology was sanitized thru TV broadcasting rules. Was there some kind of racist/sexist/homophobic term floating around or something?