I found an interesting post about being a 'good' Ally to Disabled people.

Being a good ally to disabled people takes more than just supporting us with words

Embrace the multiply marginalized. Find ways to enable them to share their unique experiences in a public forum. Learn (and use) inoffensive language when discussing disability and/or queerness, gender or racial identity. And if you’re in a position to affect change in the lives of the multiply marginalized, even if you have their best interests at heart, always consult — or, better yet, include — those people in that conversation. Allyship includes knowing when to “pass the mic”, redirecting some opportunities and resources when you can see that someone is more harshly impacted by the topic at hand than you are. Remember, there should be “Nothing about us, without us!”

When planning events, the organizers must ensure that the spaces they manage — physical or digital— are accessible to people with disabilities. A good place to start is by asking attendees beforehand to ask if they need any accommodations and implementing universal design in built and digital environments so that all attendees have equitable experiences.

When disabled people express to you that you may be exhibiting ableist behavior, do not be defensive. Listen to them and make timely, meaningful changes to your actions. It is important to remember to create safe spaces for disabled people to speak for themselves and you should never try to speak for them.

If your allyship consists of only words and virtue signaling with no actionable steps toward liberation, it is not genuine and effectual allyship.

The allyship of those who don’t have disabilities is essential for the liberation of those who do.


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"Disability" is an umbrella term which encompasses physical disabilities, emotional/psychiatric disabilities, neurodivergence, intellectual/developmental disabilities, sensory disabilities, invisible disabilities, and more. You do not have to have an official diagnosis to consider yourself disabled.

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[–] 4 points 4 hours ago

Hello everyone. Just have a little gripe to vent about. Hope you all are doing well today 💜

vent cw ableism

"Never never open up to someone about your ND status, even if they themselves seem or proclaim they are ND." A quote in my head that is unfortunately true I am realizing 😢

It was easier back when they just called me "weird" and sort of accepted me as a "werido" with quirks. Unspoken ridicule but it's kinda made out to be a personal flaw.

Now when I am open about being audhd, they're like "Hello HR? I have a report to make." cuz now they're dealing with someone who is actually born different, and will not change. And this acknowledgement makes them (again unfortunately both ND w/ ableism tendencies / and NT people) uncomfortable. 😔

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  • [–] 4 points 5 hours ago* (last edited 36 minutes ago) (1 child)

    Talked to someone about systemic bias against minorities in healtchare and I was recommended a book about Muslim people's experience of psychiatry and how to provide better care.

    Just picked it up from the library. The intro seems uhhh. Turks are sorted into groups, one of which is "bigots" and another "Opportunists". But one of the authors appears to be Turkish so I may just be being oversensitive.

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  • [–] 4 points 19 hours ago

    Why are people so awful about the disabled? Just seen this awful person on reddit who won't stop going on about how no disability or sickness is an excuse for not living a successful life and fulfilling all your dreams, that if you're disabled and aren't successfully fulfilling all your dreams it's just because you're lazy, enjoy being a victim and you might as well kys. He knows people who've had strokes or have no legs and they're all successful and hard working so all disabled people need to stop being powerless victims.

    Do people really not understand that there are different levels of disability, some more debilitating than others and that a lot of people also can't access the support they need to do things with their lives? It's amazing how much many people despise and feel contempt for us.

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  • [–] 4 points 19 hours ago

    has anyone read The Undying by Anne Boyer? It's a marxist feminist cancer memoir and as someone with multiple severe chronic illnesses I thought it was a super cathartic read

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  • [+] 1 point 17 hours ago
    [–] [S] 7 points 1 day ago (3 children)

    Someone asked me what my 'five year plan' for myself was, and I just went silent and shook my head. Planning for the future is a luxury for people with enough money to do so, but no one wants to hear that because they see it as an excuse. To them, all of my problems, including my disabilities and inability to keep a cushy job, in their eyes, are my own fault. agony-consuming

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  • [–] 5 points 1 day ago (1 child)

    Whenever someone asks me 'where do you see yourself in five year's I just want to say 'maybe a psychward or something idk, why you have any contributions to make?' I serious want to say 'fuck off' to those people and tell them to 'play pretend as a dragon slayer at least that's interesting playing pretend as go-getter-entreprenuer might be the worst on this planet to do' seriously every able-bodied person is playing pretend, none wants this but they get enough treats like treating people like us to sympathy bullying/trolling and having paid slaves at vacations.

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  • [–] 3 points 1 day ago (1 child)

    Mood. I remember one time I was asked that question, I flatly said "Under a bridge." Was worth the senseless discussion that followed it, just to see those shocked faces

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  • [–] 4 points 1 day ago (1 child)

    My skin in slowly healing, my antihistamine plan fell through because the ingredient list online wasn't accurate but once this heals im gonna do an elimination diet and then try talking to my doctor about why my body randomly decides it cant tolerate certain foods anymore

    The only thing kinda similar to what I experience is MCAS but I dont have all the symptoms and some doctors are hesitant to diagnose or treat it because they dont think its real or think most people are faking

    I cant deal with this forever though. I have a list of 3 foods where if I develop sensitivities/allergies whatever it is to them im looking into MAID and 1 of them already happened sadness-abysmal

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  • [–] 5 points 1 day ago (1 child)

    I'm going back to college after a year of jobs pretty incompatible with my disabilities, and it's such a relief to me. I should even be able to get ADHD meds

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  • [–] 4 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 child)

    I've had a bit of a cough ever since I went to my urology appointment months ago and someone without a mask was coughing all over me. But it was mild. However it hasn't gone away and is getting worse. I can't seem to fight it off. And I'm really worried about the mutual aid situation, I've had one response this month which I'm really grateful for, but with the ever increasing prices I won't be able to get through this month without more help but it seems mutual aid is almost dead now. I'm really worried about going back to starving again. If that happens I think it's the final straw for me, life is shit enough as it is already. After paying my rent, share of utilities, backrent, overdraft interest each month I'm left with £11. How am I meant to buy enough food, toilet paper, transport costs, plus anything else I need on £11 a month? Also fell asleep this afternoon (very bad sleep last night) and got woken up by a nightmare about being SA'd by the person who used to do it to me. So lovely time all round right now.

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  • [–] 3 points 1 day ago (1 child)

    It's so frustrating to me to read how little you have. What are you supposed to get for 11 pounds? It's not like that would pay for a whole week of food at any point in recent times, and definitely not for a day these days. I'm so sorry, love.

    I also really hope someone else told you this before: I hope you never have to dream or think about it again, but knowing how trauma works, I want to tell you that you didn't deserve it, that I'm glad you are still with us, and that you are not alone. I wish I could take that pain from you.

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  • [–] 2 points 19 hours ago

    Thank you. If it wasn't for the fact that they made me go through such a long appeal with no income, I wouldn't have gotten in debt and the amount I get to live on would be just about enough to manage. But all that time with no income, debt and interest payments, still waiting for the final instalment of backpay, that's what has done this. I even contacted the debt charity stepchange for advice and they were useless. Couldn't work out how to improve this situation. But that's like every organisation that's meant to help these days, all useless. Without mutual aid I'd have no chance of getting through this.

    It's weird, the dream because I almost never dream about real life things. My dreams are usually weird and random. Last night I dreamt that someone tricked me into sending the Prime Minister of Finland a threatening message and the police were after me. But that dream about the SA was awful, I don't know what on earth suddenly triggered me to dream about that.

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  • [–] 6 points 2 days ago (2 children)

    i have my hearing for my disability aid rejection soon and ive been losing my fucking mind stressing about it

    you would think that "person can't eat or sleep for weeks preceding any slightly stressful event" would be a bonus to my case but alas........

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  • [–] 6 points 2 days ago* (1 child)

    I understand, I feel sick thinking about leaving my house, it is my one safe place where I know where everything is.

    CW: ED talkWhenever even a little stress is triggered, I feel like eating until death but whenever I put a piece in my mouth I start crying

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  • [–] 6 points 2 days ago (1 child)

    Back to bleach baths for my eczema because it got infected sadness-abysmal

    Now I have to do a weird balancing act between wet wrapping which creates the perfect environment for fungi and bacteria to grow but helps repair my fucked moisture barrier and bleach baths which kill the bacteria thats causing the current infection but dry out the skin and are only supposed to be used 3 times a week

    Im actually really hoping my current dyshidrotic eczema flareup is mainly from the infection because otherwise a bunch of safe foods are off limits for me

    I feel embarrassed to go to work tomorrow with my skin being so bad (also it keeps splitting and it hurts) but I cant stay home and dont know if the bath today killed off enough staph for it to not cause itching when I wrap tonight

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  • [–] 8 points 3 days ago* (3 children)

    Today I talked to someone and I quoted one of the doctors at work saying "Each allergy a patient states they have lessens their credibility, if they have more than 4 allergies they don't have any allergies" as an examplreof terrible shit doctors say, and she agreed with the doctor. She has multiple allergies.

    puzzled

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  • [–] 6 points 2 days ago (1 child)

    I already knew healthcare workers felt that way about me but it does hurt having it confirmed

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  • [–] 5 points 2 days ago* (1 child)

    You shouldn't worry about that. The annoyance of medical personnel is fleeting, they have new people to be annoyed at every five minutes, also they get bored very easily.

    Never ever worry about how your doctor perceives you, you can't be a good enough patient to satisfy them, and they'll forget whatever annoyance and likely what your name was in five minutes. Your responsibility in a medical context is to yourself, and your need for the best care you can get.

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  • [–] 6 points 3 days ago (1 child)

    Doctors might just be the most unempathetic people, followed by professors and MBAs.

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  • [–] 8 points 3 days ago (1 child)

    Med school doesn't select for empathy, no. I hear so much terrible shit from doctors given as advise to me personally. I should start a list.

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  • [–] 8 points 3 days ago (1 child)

    Like it doesn't select on empathy but shouldn't a teacher and doctor have empathy about those in their care? Like it doesn't make sense, it would only improve the results and experience of those who come to them.

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  • [–] 6 points 3 days ago (1 child)

    I can only say that i agree. More empathy from doctors would be great for everyone.

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  • [–] 6 points 3 days ago (1 child)

    I have seen so many cases where doctors dismissed concerns of patients just for those problems to eventually result in death of said patient, it is truly sad.

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  • [–] 7 points 3 days ago (2 children)

    not sure how to explain to my dad "even if i had the executive function to work, i can't get a job due to being too obviously autistic" bc he's kinda clearly on the spectrum too (not diagnosed tho), but there's a big difference between how people treat "weird" men and women

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  • [–] 5 points 3 days ago

    Yeah. I remember trying to repackage hypervigilance+paranoia as attention to detail and discernment. And then there's the accidental mentioning that I take medication which almost always gets a "but you're so young!" along with some amount of suspicion. Or at least I think there's suspicion; as mentioned earlier I do struggle with paranoia.

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  • Got my foot surgery today. I've been there pretty much all day. The NHS has such a backlog of appointments and people on the waiting list now that not only are they doing Saturday appointments and appointments in private hospitals (paid for by the NHS) but now they're cramming so many people in on a Saturday that I ended up waiting ages after my actual appointment time before being seen. Now I just have to worry about whether they got it all and whether it's going to get infected. I don't think I can keep doing this.

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  • Is mutual aid dead? I can't get a single response and I'm about to run out of food. I don't have any available bank balance.

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  • [–] 7 points 6 days ago* (3 children)

    The government really go out of their way to make it difficult to access treatment. My glasses broke and I managed to get an optician appointment. Due to being on benefits, the eye test and glasses are free for me. Now you would think that the government could just have a list of everyone who's eligible, like when you get approved for benefits you just get added to the list. Then the optician or dentist could just look up the list when you arrive and see that you're eligible for free treatment. But no! You have to bring proof of entitlement with you, mainly a benefit letter. It must be dated within a few months. But the DWP don't send out letters that frequently, so you need to actually request one which can take weeks. You can't wait weeks if it's an emergency. In the end they let me just sign a declaration that I'm entitled to it, which was a relief as the dentist never lets me do that but turns me away if I don't have a letter to show them. But what a rigmarole. Why do it like this?

    Oh, and as if I need another reminder of how hideous I look, I passed a group of teenagers and one of them looked me up and down, laughed and said "Hello Nana." I already know I look like I'm in my 70s, thanks.

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