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[–] 60 points 2 months ago (7 children)

Oof, I knew they found him unresponsive. I did not know they had to do CPR. I would be surprised if he was still alive, and there's virtually no chance he will recover. CPR done outside a hospital setting on patients 80 or above only has like a 2-10% chance of ever being discharged, lower if they have pre-existing conditions.

I wouldn't want to do the compressions for that. I bet it felt like breaking a glass xylophone in an old burlap sack.

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  • [–] 8 points 2 months ago (3 children)
  • [–] [S] 38 points 2 months ago (2 children)

    He's looking up from hell, smiling.

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  • [–] 9 points 2 months ago (1 child)

    How is Satan supposed to govern his domain now that Mitch is there to filibuster every decision that could result in republicans receiving consequences for their actions?

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  • [–] 3 points 2 months ago

    Hell can get so much better! We can build a literal paradise free from God's domination. We just need to coordinate with Mitch on improving all of our afterlives. Literally nobody even needs to be worse off, surely he'll agree to that.

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  • [–] 25 points 2 months ago* (1 child)

    This weekend, there will be an obvious AI video, with bitch mcconnell being weekend at bernie’d by His Rottingness Trump on truth social, I’m placing bets.

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  • [–] 22 points 2 months ago*

    If he's braindead, he's dead, not technically alive. This is voter fraud or even treason.

    Of course they'll get away with it lol. They'll prevent anyone from checking if he's braindead or not, so he's neither alive nor dead. He's going out as a zombie.

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  • [–] 18 points 2 months ago

    Hey nurses/doctors, an anonymous tip to the media would be great right about now.

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  • [–] 17 points 2 months ago
    [–] 11 points 2 months ago

    And get away with it too, of course.

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  • [–] 11 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

    Elected officials are supposed to debate and compromise for the greater good of the country, but this steaming pile of shit galvanized the republicans in congress in a strategy to put party before country for political gain. He would block a bipartisan cure for cancer if it meant a democratic administration would get to share in the credit. He is a blight on humanity.

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  • [–] 10 points 2 months ago (1 child)

    I hope he's getting ass raped while continuously being burned alive right next to kissinger

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  • [–] 10 points 2 months ago (6 children)

    I'm OOTL, can anyone explain what the "manipulative procedural maneuver" is? I'm seeing some stuff about a vacancy requiring an election (Kentucky disallowed governor appointments), is it fear the seat will go Democratic?

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  • [–] 17 points 2 months ago* (4 children)

    I saw comments elsewhere saying Kentucky only disallowed governor appointments within 90 days of an election. So, if he dies today, the governor, a Democrat, can appoint a replacement who will hold the office till whoever wins the November election replaces them beginning of next year. If he dies in 3 weeks, that's disallowed and a (special?) election will decide his successor. Bear in mind that my "source" on this is: Some other people on the Fediverse said so.

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  • [–] 10 points 2 months ago (3 children)

    Im so confused. So if the guy dies today, but they keep it a secret, that doesnt change the fact that he died today. There should be no respect for the rule because its a fucking lie.

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  • [–] 9 points 2 months ago (2 children)

    Yeah, but he won't die today, because you can put a headless cadaver on life support and keep it "technically alive" for a long fucking time.

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  • [–] 9 points 2 months ago

    Sleepy Mitch

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  • [–] 9 points 2 months ago (1 child)

    It's not even a joke, he's "living" the dream!

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  • [–] 9 points 2 months ago

    Seems like a fundraising opportunity for his successor to sell the rights to pull the plug.

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  • [–] 8 points 2 months ago* (1 child)

    Wikipedia editors get ready.

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  • [–] 5 points 2 months ago

    Do it. Plug him out.

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  • [–] 3 points 2 months ago

    Sockpuppet Mitch, spiritually,, existentially and now physically.

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