I have neither the crayons nor the inclination to explain it to you.

I saw one here the other day calling someone a soup fork. I've been using that for people who are completely useless.

I work with an older lady who hits people with "you're so pretty" when they do or ask something stupid and I love it.

“Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!”

I can read it to you all day but unfortunately I cannot understand it for you.

The classic southern "Bless your heart"

Big fan of a slow disapproving head shake and a thumbs down. Especially in road rage situations (or any time I see a Cybertruck).

I bet you sit on the TV and watch the sofa.

I love how you don't let facts influence your opinion.

I have to thank the one and only James May for introducing me to “you witless dishcloth”

I can explain it to you, but I cannot understand it for you.

I blame the alcohol, not what you drank tonight but what your mother drank while pregnant with you

It's really hard to underestimate you.

"Sorry, I already have a boyfriend/girlfriend."

Implying that everything they said or had done was to get your romantic attention.

It was trending a few years ago but never caught on fully.

Still good.

Did your mother have any children that lived?

If all the village-idiots of all the villages in the world, would leave for a brand new village of village-idiots, you'd be their village-idiot.

If idiot does not count as "swear" tho...

Just respond to everything they say with "sorry, I'm not into Pokemon."

You're about as smart as a bag of hammers.

You look easy to draw

"If she was a spice, she would be flour" - Louise Belcher

No one could possibly have a higher opinion of you than I have.

Chuckle and as you walk away, and under your breath but just loud enough to hear, say "eyebrows" in a way that sounds like you were amused and thinking about how it amused you. They will think about that for years, as I have been

They’re a south-pointing compass (if they assert something, you know it’s wrong)

A few beers short of a six pack

You are the proud owner of not a single redeeming quality.

You make this world not worth saving.

I would not make you the night manager at a place that closed in the evening. Also your mother's a huge slut.

There’s a great artist that sells stuff at our local ren-faire; I bought a fridge magnet that says “I saw thee, and thought my day unwell.” It’s illuminated like an old manuscript and depicts a slim greyhound tossing his cookies.

I love this one from Coriolanus:

For you, be that you are, long, and your misery increase with your age!

The truth. The reason you'd want to insult them as a direct pointed criticism.

• Have you been tending to your hounds? You smell like a wet dog!
• Is that fur growing out of your ears?

"You look so generic I got a deja vu the first time we met."

I keep recycling this one but it's hard not to. I have so few good ideas!

Your ma wears high heels with tracksuit bottoms.

Thick as mince

You're lucky your momma died giving birth to you. If she saw you now, she would've died of shame.

From my friend - You're the load your mom should have swallowed.

Have the day you deserve!

"You are not acting like the person Mr. Rogers knew you could be."

Guaranteed to slug the inner child of, at least, three or four generations. Might have diminishing returns at the extremes (brainwashed boomers and brainrot zoomers) but should still hit pretty hard on those who grew up watching Fred Rogers and are capable of some amount of introspection.

You look like you trust politicians/newspapers/AI

You think that streamer likes you

Your brain could revolve around inside a peanut shell without ever touching the sides

You have a head full of vacuous nothings that occasionally leak out of your mouth

(To name a few that I enjoy)

"you're the sharpest bulb in the chandelier" is my personal favorite