That doesn’t really sound like a healthy relationship dynamic to begin with, so might be better to just move on, much as it sucks. Unless you want to keep getting strung along by the lack of commitment, and risk a repeat of this situation. Maybe it’ll be over something else, doesn’t matter, he’s showing you who he is and what he does when he’s mad, which seems to be try to hurt and control you.

But with the way you wrote your post, all the self-blame for a relatively normal thing (I give my number to people I meet rather often, it’s normal), all the excuses, all the bad behavior you included as details you think we should know while not including a lot of good stuff, I think you already know that. Listen to your gut here, and think about what you’d tell your friend if she came to you with what you wrote.

It sounds to me like you accidentally mixed up the numbers in your ages. You sounds like 23. And judging from his behavior he is not older than 14.

I think you should look for someone else. Maybe more mature.

I get random "hey" texts every few weeks or so. I always assume it's a would-be scammer testing numbers en masse to see who will respond. It wouldn't occur to me to assume I gave out my number while blackout drunk. I mean, I used to drink pretty hard, but at some point I had to face the fact that it wasn't drowning my sorrows, only adding to them. But that's a different topic, not what you're asking for help with.

So anyway, if my partner gave me a hard time about a random "hey" text? I'd push back, because realistically it's just as likely a spam text, not evidence of intention to cheat.

Bringing it up "during intimacy" ... maybe it's a fantasy turn-on for him, or maybe it's a creepy way of trying to undermine your confidence and keep you working overtime to try to regain his approval. You'll have to ask him point blank if it excites him to think of you with other men. If he says no, then he needs to drop the subject forever.

It's gone.

There's nothing wrong with texting other people, as long as you're not violating the boundaries of your relationship. Usually that would mean sexting or sending nudes. Since you aren't in a relationship with this guy, I would say anything goes. And he definitely shouldn't be looking through your phone.

1. mistakes happen. The important thing is that regret's function is to motivate greater-wisdom, & if your overdrinking & doing things that you don't remember is something you now are motivated to avoid doing again ( that isn't merely "being social", that is suicidal irresponsibility, in my eyes ), then that may improve your future/remaining life.

2. if he won't make your relationship explicitly-real, .. then it's only a matter of time until it's dead?

You may want to show him that previous sentence..

I'm an old bastard.

I know that social-programming intentionally wires people to fail/break relationships, because it gets-off-on the learned-helplessness, & that is "food" for the social-process's parasitism-habit.

Proof?

I discovered in reading "Romancing the Beat" that The Breakup Test is programmed into female-culture.

& a few years after reading that book, to understand what the nature/function of romances is, among women, better ..

a meme, paraphrased:

p1: "men don't even care anymore: I broke up with him, & he didn't even try resurrecting the relationship: he just dropped it!"

p2: "he respected your terminating the relationship he held that your dropping it was valid, & moved-on"

Both were women, ttbomk..

But you can see that 'The Breakup Test" is programmed into the assumptions & instincts of romance-readers, but NOT programmed into males..

& that means that the 2 majority genders are using different scripts & that itself obliterates relationship, automatically, whole-society-wide, & society's fine with that, because it feeds on established dysfunction, & change would hurt its habit!

Male-culture, too, has its entrenched-dysfunctions, & fights to butcher all relationship-worth that would get in the way of, let-alone break, those habits.

So, here's what I'm asking you to do:

Please invest in reading Logan, King, & Dr. Fischer-Wright's book "Tribal Leadership", your library probably can get it, & understand the 5 levels of social-process.

Then honestly see/accept which level your-relationship is in..

Then see if you can get your partner to read & understand it too,

& it'll give you the understandings & practices required to bring your relationship up a level, into richer meaning.

Here's the oversimplified TED Talk: https://www.ted.com/talks/david_logan_tribal_leadership

& here's the book itself: https://www.kobo.com/us/en/ebook/tribal-leadership-revised-edition

Level-of-social-process is important for what the process produces.

Level-1 produces mass-shootings.

Level-2 produces conspiracism & learned-helplessness.

etc.

Level-5 is "LIVING IS SELF-INHERENTLY AWESOME!!".

I'm asking you to invest in removing your relationship from the unconscious-mind "rails" which are just using your-lives to manufacture more dysfunction-"food"-social-process for its-habit to feed on.

I'll stop here, so as to keep it focused.

Wishing you well,

_ /\ _