32F him 41 M Let me preface this in saying I didnt think I would have done this but I had to much to drink and guess gave my number out no memory at all. I am unfortunately like a very social person. He saw it was texted Hey at 6 something he saw my phone at 11, I never replied honestly didnt know the text was there.
That being said, I have been with this Male for over a year he will not define the relationship and will often say do you why dont you go out this and that. But we are together almost everyday though never expresses feelings. I will say he sometimes he spends the night with his kid who is a pre teen at her mother's house and I dont questions this. He does have his own place. I have never met his family nor do I think they know I exist. I am very disappointed that I had done this, I would have never responded back to the text I received but he had saw it because he was also looking at my phone and such. I feel guilty that I done it and again truly had no interest but was drunk which is no real excuse I did not respond to the text and had no intention too. But also in a year there has been no labels and I am often also proving myself to him. This is the first time I had done this. But he has told me this was unforgivable and to never talk to him again. Prior to I always treated the situation as a relationship but anytime I asked he told me he doesn't do relationship. I dont want to lose him but fear I have as he already had major trust issues. He had me change my sheets before often ask me how many ppl i have been with or who is the biggest. I denied it cause i didnt recall doing it. He has since ended it and called me a whore but continues to text me about how much I broke his heart and that he cant believe I did that. I went to his house showed him my texts though he thinks I deleted them.
Just adding: i have been home all week and haven't drunk since Sunday and even tho all day he says he is down and broke is heart.
Though all day yesterday has said he is done then He texted me last night saying lmk how bar is then told me to text the guy who texted me. And I said I wasnt interested but he said clear i was since he bagged me. I told him to believe what he wanted. He then discuss how he was sad he didn't have his friend to watch TV with. Then continued to assume I was out but then had me over. I am so confused the night went okay we cuddle never slept cause he was so upset.
While i was there my friend called after midnight I answered but he thinks she was talking about setting me up with guys and that I was shady for turning down the volume but she was saying she was drained from my sadness about this situation. Then another female friend texted later and he had me show me show him the text which was a comment about this situation he took it as we were laughing at him and was upset that I shared that with her. He then wanted to see the conversation I showed it partially but he told me I made a joke out of him. I explained i have been upset as he said he was done and was talking it out with a friend that no one was laughing. He was upset so I went to leave then he said if I left we were done so I said and said that he needs to respect that I am going to talk to my friends if I am upset and that I wont share screenshots and then we laid in bed both barely slept but held each other he asked if this was gonna be the last night we laid together and I said that was up to him. He did not sleep all night and leaving was weird in the Am.
I then spent the day unfortunately punishing myself for hurting him and did not hear from him until almost 1am asking how the bar was and how he expected I was out. Then told me he couldn't sleep and then came over. He came over I explained the that I gave my number and I dont know why I did it but I never responded and had no intention too. He does not believe me he assumes that I have been talking to this guy and that I just got caught and that I hooked up with him. He said he was dumb for coming but still stayed. I tried to ask what I could do for him to believe me.
He made a comment of me going on a date when I was home. Told me my Instagram follows changed tho I didnt do anything on insta. If I dont answer quick he will say okay have a good night texting all night.
Again had me over last night and made comments during intimacy about me having bigger and better.
Is this irreparable? How can I work to try to rebuild trust?
I get random "hey" texts every few weeks or so. I always assume it's a would-be scammer testing numbers en masse to see who will respond. It wouldn't occur to me to assume I gave out my number while blackout drunk. I mean, I used to drink pretty hard, but at some point I had to face the fact that it wasn't drowning my sorrows, only adding to them. But that's a different topic, not what you're asking for help with.
So anyway, if my partner gave me a hard time about a random "hey" text? I'd push back, because realistically it's just as likely a spam text, not evidence of intention to cheat.
Bringing it up "during intimacy" ... maybe it's a fantasy turn-on for him, or maybe it's a creepy way of trying to undermine your confidence and keep you working overtime to try to regain his approval. You'll have to ask him point blank if it excites him to think of you with other men. If he says no, then he needs to drop the subject forever.