OurSQL exists, it's called MariaDB. It was forked from MySQL when Oracle bought it and started to fuck with it.

We have OurSQL at home, it's called MongoDB

You forgot to name your daughter "our" so you can't call your db that.

When vibecoders let the slopmachine set up a "My"SQL database and don't check where it stores the API key.

MariaDB is already cooler, obviously.

Very weird though that both it and MySQL are owned by private equity.