Never. My son is a person I could never have imagined. I don’t see what relevance my expectations of him are to anyone or anything. I’m not sure I ever had any.

Why should I? Our children are not products we purchased or objects we crafted. They are new beings coming into the universe under our care but for a while.

You discharge that responsibility on their behalf. That’s it. Of course that means setting standards for them to meet, but even this discipline you do for their own sake. You don’t get expect them to be anything.

That’s negotiating with fate - about as pointless as negotiating with death.

I once explored the hypothetical of what would make me abandon the love for one of my kids. I went with something awful: imagine we found out they were a gruesome serial killer in secret. I decided after pondering it that I would continue to love and support them even through that. No one else would, rightfully so. But I think it is my duty even when the rest of humanity has abandoned them.

Writing this I thought of a variation. Instead of a serial killer, what if they murdered my spouse or one of their siblings. I'll have to ponder that. I'd like to think I'd have the same unconditional love but I'm really not sure. In that case I might have to admit that I'm disappointed in them.

No

If he turned out to be a cold psychopatic serial killer, I would.

It would have to be very, very bad and it would weigh heavily on my soul if I ever were to speak those words to my children.

I can't imagine ever saying that.

No. Because that's shitty and dumb.

As a parent, it is your responsibility. So if your kid is disappointing you, it is you who have fucked up.

Do something about it.

No, like others said I might point out his behavior is disappointing, but never him.

Hell no.

I would send him the following:

No, but I would say something like "I am very dissapointed in you for doing X". A kid can't change who they "are", but they can change what they "do".

This is some really heavy parenting. I hope I'd never have to, but if it was warranted it would be very important that it was actionable. I.e., I'm disappointed in you because you're doing [x] and you need to do [y]. It's my job as a parent in this situation to communicate why and how to do better.

Yes, assuming they have disappointed me.

It's normal to express your emotions.

No.

I might, if what they did were severe enough, express that what they did is disappointing. But that's different from branding them with the iron of disappointment-as-identity. Everyone does stuff sometimes that is worse than they aspire to be. The trick is coming back from it, learning and growing and changing.

I remember how it felt the day I asked my mom, after she had screamed at me and hit me a bunch for stuff she made up about me, "what did I ever do to you to make you hate me this much?", and she screamed back "YOU WERE BORN!" And I believed she meant it, because none of this was out of character.

I was 12.

No kid should ever feel the hopelessness and abandonment I felt in that moment.

No, unless they became a pedophile, serial killer, rapist or something extreme like that

Yeah, if he came home spirting a maga hat or a Charlie Kirk t-shirt or something.
I’m raising my kid to be smart and to care about others. So really I’d be disappointed in myself for not being a better teacher.

Yesterday I said to my son "I'm disappointed in you for not catching that fish" (he came so close to catching his target prize fish but it got away).

I felt pretty bad and didn't mean it one bit, I just said it the wrong way around because i was exhausted. Then I spent the next five minutes explaining that I'm absolutely not disappointed in him and that he is an awesome fisherman and that what i really meant to say was that I was disappointed FOR him that he didn't catch the fish that he had been trying so hard to catch for months.

Bruh I'm an Asian son and I've been on the receiving end of these words 💀

Edit: To answer the question. No wtf I'm never gonna say these type of things to my children (if I ever have children)

I wouldn't say that to anybody.

I wouldn't call any child, as a human, a disappointment, but I believe there are some rare occasions where their actions should be framed as disappointing.

Label the action disappointing, explain the reasoning that led to that conclusion, and explain how it could affect the future for both the parents and the child. Communication is key, and also try to leave some room for the child to grow. The less often you call something disappointing, the more powerful it can be, and can be used as a way to seriously correct behavior.

He don't say it but I can see it in his eyes.

His behavior yes. He lack of behavior yes. Never him.

Yes even though it would be partially my fault if they're racist, sexist , transphobic, join the military or police and so on, that's a failure to raise them on my part and choosing to be a worthless being on their part.

Variation on the theme: would you ever tell your child “You weren’t worth it.”

OP assuming you are asking for a reason, my view after some time is that when a parent make a statement like that it reflects more about the parent than the child.

Telling anyone they're a disappointment isn't helpful. Instead ,ask if they can do X or Y and express why you think its helpful.