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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/TurbulentDogg on 2026-02-26 04:34:05+00:00.
(obligatory this happened a year ago). Okay, so, About a year ago, I went through an odd phase where I couldn't eat ANYTHING but potatoes for an entire month straight. I don't know how it started. All I know is one day I woke up with an insatiable hunger that could only be quenched with spuds. I ate probably 3-4 large sized potatoes a day, usually with relish, a little bit of mayo, and a little bit of mustard. Nothing else. I couldnt even fathom thinking of eating anything else but potatos. I even begun dreaming about them. Honestly, if it had gone on any longer than it did I probably would have started a potato cult. This went in for 37 days. Then suddenly, one day it just... Ended. I just woke up, went to the fridge, and ate some.. idk, ravioli (I don't remember what it was). It was as if nothing happened.
Well, after that I kind of just forgot about potatoes for a while. A long while. I still had about half a bag of potatoes in the back of my pantry, just begging to be devoured. And as each day passed, and things came and went from the pantry, I completely forgot of their existence. Fast forward a few months, and my parents and I started noticing a foul odor coming from the pantry. But, we couldn't find where the stench was coming from. We tried looking everywhere but couldn't find it.
Until one day, the stench was driving me mad. It was so strong it reached the 2nd floor. And I can only describe the smell as the smell of fear. One whiff made my entire body tremble and sent my into fight or flight. Like a mad man I emptied the entire pantry in search for it. And that's when I found it, The old bag of potatoes I had been saving. Turns out someone had moved it behind the crock pot that we bought 3 years prior and never opened. At first I was so proud of myself for finding it. I was so excited to throw it out, I rushed to grab it without a single thought. And that's when I felt.... It. Reaching for a space to hold onto, I believed would be empty, I felt something long, fuzzy, and boney brush against my fingers. I felt a shiver go down my spine, so intensely that my entire body recoiled with it and My hand bolted back at lightning speed. I took a moment to recollect myself, and reached out again, instead grabbing onto the very tip top of the bag to hold it. The smell was atrocious. I bury my face into my hoodie, take a deep breath, and hold it as I move the bag closer into the light. I turn it around, and see something straight out of a crime scene. The potatoes sprouted. And in their desperation to find soil, they grew far and wide, branching off into all sorts of directions and piercing through the bag. They looked like hands. Decomposed, rotting hands, trying to crawl themselves out of their eternal slumber. They were blue and green with white-ish flesh tone in certain areas. Some even had ripples in them resembling knuckles, and fingernails. Others had what looked like baby fungi growing out, resembling cordyceps.
The moment I saw them, I began to freak out. They looked so real, for a moment I genuinely contemplated if they were somehow human. I looked away as fast as I could and ran to the trash can and threw them away. I completely forgot about the whole smell thing and took a deep breath (big mistake) and began gagging and clutching the countertops around me. In full fight or flight, I run to the opposite end of the room to catch my breath. I take a moment to calm myself before taking a deep breath and throwing the trash bag outside.
My nightmare was over but the image was haunting. I know it was just potatoes but goddamn they looked so human. It had instilled a deep phobia of potato sprouts. I can handle them when they're perfectly fresh. But, the moment they develop even just the tiniest bump on them, I get flash backs to the decomposing hand tatters. I would cry and my throat would swell and run dry just thinking about it. It's been a year since then and I still cannot look at potato sprouts without my fight or flight being triggered. I also might have a potato allergy now. But, just like my lactose intolerance it ain't stopping me from enjoying my precious tots.
TLDR; TIFU by only feasting on potatoes for an entire month, got sick of them, and accidentally created an Eldritch god of spuds that haunt me to this day.