this post was submitted on 31 Oct 2023
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[–] [email protected] 97 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Humans used to be so fucked up.

We still are, but we used to be too.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

What's fucked up about chaining up a corpse. Of course it doesn't help anything but there is also no harm in it.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 year ago

Someone once asked me if I’d like some glacier-covered land in Alaska. I said “no, but I would like some non-glacier-covered land in Alaska later, so yeah”

[–] [email protected] 68 points 1 year ago (2 children)

so what I'm hearing is that it worked.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Good day Sir. I have excellent merchandise to sell for you. My anti-tiger rock is guaranteed to keep all your tigers away! Please send money to this address! THANK YOU

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago

thank you, but my current anti-tiger rock fulfills my present needs, and has the bonus of keeping other large members of the order felidae at a comfortable distance, too.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

Then you require my tiger summoning slab of raw meat. If you combine that with the magic rock you will create a perpetual motion machine

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

But now it is released... 2024 - vampires...

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Idk we have barely started the aliens arc.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

It's all gonna come all at once, vampires, aliens, fungi, zombies, trump...

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

In a world with two brothers....

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago
[–] [email protected] 45 points 1 year ago (2 children)

The remains date from an era that viewed ghosts, zombies and other supernatural entities as being as real as humans.

I am so glad that 95% of the human race no longer believes in the supernatural and never supports organized religion.

Tiring day, can't wait to get home and watch shows that are educational that totally don't speculate about ancient aliens or hunt ghosts.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 year ago (1 children)

All I'm saying is... Science can't prove vampires don't exist.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago

Or that you should give me 20 bucks ;)

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Time and energy vampires are real.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago (1 children)

A combination of both is called work😞

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

Even if it’s just a draining family member.

[–] [email protected] 36 points 1 year ago (1 children)

And they just unlocked it and let it out?! Goddamnit!

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

its probably a hiding vampire bat waiting to release covid-20

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

Wouldn't it be COVID-23 now? Or does the bat go back in time and release another deadly virus during 2020? Oh god...

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Noooo...you must not read from the book!

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

Klatu, Verata.... Ni-humlenhdkidpwkehehkamajhen

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Humans believing in fantasy beings to the point of murder...how dumb...

...wait a minute...

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

From what I can tell in the article the kid wasn't murdered? Or did I miss something

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Yeah, it just sounds like the kid died and this was a burial rite precaution.

I think the person above you just read the headline and made an assumption.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

Maybe he thought the kid was to be a snack for the vampire

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

Santa Slayer!

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago (1 children)

“Look it might be a waste of a lock, but I don’t want some vampire kid killing me. Don’t let your last words be, ‘I should have listened to Jeeeeeeff!’”

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

“It’s pronounced Jeff”

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

This is the best summary I could come up with:


A 17th-century child's remains were found padlocked to a grave in Poland - an act that is thought to be been to stop him rising from the dead.

Archaeologists uncovered the body of a six- to seven-year-old buried facedown with a triangular iron padlock under its foot.

It is believed the body, found in the northern village of Pien, was buried facedown and padlocked to the grave because of ancient supernatural beliefs in vampires.

The find was reported to have come from the same site as a year ago it was announced the remains of a woman had been discovered with a sickle around her neck and a triangular padlock on her foot.

The child was likely buried facedown to keep it from sitting up and exiting the grave to feed on living people, he added.

The child's bones date from an era that viewed ghosts, zombies and other supernatural entities as being as real as humans.


The original article contains 348 words, the summary contains 157 words. Saved 55%. I'm a bot and I'm open source!

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

I’m just imagining a vampire waking, then sticking its butt up in the air in an attempt to sit up. Then cartooning question marks coming out in its confusion

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Cool. I'm down for that when I die

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

A new market has appeared! Monetize! Monetize! Monetize!

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

He didn't rise from the dead, did he? We have no way of knowing how many times he tried.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 year ago (1 children)

It could be fun to have a corpse accidentally buried with an iphone then someone recovers the iphone and it’s listing steps from the corpse trying to rise

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

I want to be buried in a staged scene with a broken coffin lid and posed as if I'm clambering up through the dirt.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

The headline is somewhat ambiguous, and seems to imply that the child was chained there to prevent a vampire buried below from rising. Knowing the child was the supposed vampire makes this a little less grim, because I was picturing some poor kid with his leg shackled to a headstone and left to die.