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I suppose you could ask if she refuses to use your preferred name/pronouns (assuming she does) because of personal views or legal/policy reasons.
There are definitely jurisdictions where teachers/counsellors are obligated to get permission from parents to use names that don't match the sex listed elsewhere.
I wonder if the counsellor would object to using a nickname that's not similar to your name but is still a girls name. I only ask because Toni Braxton is a woman, maybe you could tell your counsellor you're really inspired by her and would she please call you "Toni"?
Very much this, there was some hubbub a while back where policies got passed the prevented people in education from effectively hiding things from parents such as if a child was trans and hadn't told their parents. It put them in the situation of being an asshole or risking their jobs and careers. They too might be a victim in an oppressive system.
You may also be able to find a handbook posted somewhere that outlines their policies and procedures. If you can find that, you may find your answers without even asking.
Depending on where you live there very well could be some new BS law that says school staff is not allowed to call you a different name or pronoun. That's the world we live in now.
They're covering their ass. Parents just like yours have gotten other schools in trouble for faculty addressing names/pronouns without the parents knowledge.
For some reason American parents want absolute control over their children without doing an of the actual parenting.
It is almost certainly a legal issue, and not their choice, but I am surprised this would not have been explained to you if it is the case. There are states in the US, including the one I am in, where it is explicitly illegal for school staff to use any names or gender references other than the ones provided/approved by the parents in your record, even in private. It is entirely possible they have no choice here.
What a bunch of pussies. Even in private?
Do it, dude!!
It could be a legal thing. Like they have to use what's on your birth certificate. I've heard of that.
Still, it's rude. I've worked jobs where they've told me to use pronouns assigned at birth. I ignored them, come whatever may. Decency and kindness come first. Respect follows if it's matched, but even without respect, kindness costs nothing. You don't have to like someone to be decent. You just have to be a decent person.
Technically a trans man/transmasc person will always have the XX genes, and there are a few other "technically" statements as well, but it's also quite rude to reduce a person to primary and secondary sex characteristics, especially family. I know people AFAB have girl parts, but if they're in my family, that's not something I want to think about. At all. So that's a bit weird.
I could talk about what makes a guy a guy, but honestly, it differs from person to person. Once we start making rules like that, it actually excludes a lot of AMABs, but we don't really talk about that. I think it's more impactful on the AFAB side. Like women being defined by motherhood, or sexuality related things. It's just a mess, and IMO a bit of decency gets over a bunch of those pitfalls. So like, it's weird, in a sense, to say that a guy is still a guy even if he has "boobs and a vagina," but by the same logic, if we say that defines a woman, we exclude people who have had a mastectomy. My grandmother did — she beat breast cancer. One hell of a lady. Killed by a drunk driver coming up on 20 years ago. So ironic. But no one would say she was less of a woman because she had to have her breasts removed. So I will not go down that line of thinking.
And dude... we're all a bit confused. That doesn't mean you're wrong.
Call her “sir” if she uses the wrong pronouns
“I’m a ma’am”
“Oh I thought it was opposite day for morons”
Heh, though I think a long and less overtly antagonistic approach might be more fun. If she does end up being a transphobe, use sir/he/him, and never acknowledge any corrections.
If ever reprimanded by the administration, say you've never seen "his" birth certificate or spoken to "his" parents.
this post was submitted on 02 Jan 2026
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Relationship Advice
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