Holy shit, what the fuck causes white boomer women to think I, a 30 something brown man, would be interested them?

These are the vibes I’m getting at work and it’s extremely disturbing.

I was talking to my dad today sharing some good and very important family news.

Dad: I'm just a little sad right now, my friend was killed yesterday.

Me: Oh my God! What happened? Which friend?

D: My friend Charlie.

M: Charlie? Who's Charlie?

D: Charlie Kirk.

M: PFFFFFFT LOL

Apparently we all lost a really intelligent man who just wanted to help other people. And he was not talking about the killer.

Now I'm thinking about environmental racism, the capitalist class truly love shitting where they don't eat. Fuck factory farming, fuck oil pipelines and fuck AI data centers. There are more things to list but I'm hungry rn. Guess it's colonialism all the way down same like with the police.

Bringing up racism in white people's favorite escapism fantasy settings always leaves them reeling especially if they feel themselves as progressive in some manner. The headspace I get from them is "I'm not doing a racism myself just letting it slide from friends/family/strangers whenever it comes up, how am I the bad guy?" They more confrontational at being called racist than they feel like confronting the racist culture around them.

i dont think ill ever get into superhero media in a way a lot of people are. its like greek mythology/percy jackson-esque fandoms. theres just very little for me to identify with. the exceptionalism of it all. yes im sure its easy to be a "good person" when you literally cant lose because youre that much better than anyone else. pretty much no stakes either because of that. its just masturbatory.

read something like journey to the west or watch the 1986 show instead.

I get my cake today, and I'm so excited!!!

I'm at a point where I functionally can no longer see myself in a relationship with a non-Black person again. I've been thinking a lot on this subject, and my mind has been kind of uncertain these past few months or so.

What I ultimately came to realize is that, in the context of how I view love, there will be always be something critically lacking in any relationship I'd have with a non-Black person.

At first, the thought of continuing to accept non-Black partners seemed possibly within my reach so long as they truly were based, were radical, and understood how to fight against anti-Blackness, and as great as some non-Black people are in these regards, I'm now at a point where the thought of dating any non-Black person feels as right as the thought of dating a conservative.

Of course, that's not me saying it's as bad—hell no. My point is that it just indescribably feels "off" in a way that no amount of other things we have in common can reconcile. Very much needed solidarity will always be missing.

Ideally, I want a partner who has a lot of things in common with me (the aforementioned 5 traits I've brought up several times). However, to keep my pool somewhat open, I'm going to base my search for a partner (when I'm ready—not a priority at the moment) off of these three things: Blackness, queerness, and veganism.

I'll go from there, but what I can certainly say now is that I will never entertain romantic and/or intimate encounters with non-Black people ever again.

Rest in piss, Charlie KKKirKKK

My non-white coworker, who takes public transit, is very shaken up about what happened in NC. I know it's not technically racial but also I know it is.

A whitey just shot up 20 children not even a month ago. Random violence is as amerikan as apple pie but whiteys wanna act like only Black people are violent.

I remember this episode of static shock where Virgil's dad was dating a cop and like Virgil runs away from the cops when they were gonna go through his backpack. The show goes out of its way of justifying from the cops perspective because they really really need to find something super duper important 🥺 nvm 4th amendment protections.

I know it's still cape shit but in the first season I quite liked it because of it's themes of community and understanding. The show got bigger and eventually folded into the DC universe but that wasn't why I was there to begin with.

I was followed by a bunch of men telling me how good my pussy smelled, I don't like going out.

Hearing the blue genocide whites at my job talking about how evil it is to celebrate Kirk getting got

Still a little iffy here since all the stuff went down about burning the flag, but talking to other POC eases my anxiety.

Talked with some coworkers, we're all various kinds of POC that's been in the headlines lately, and it's been so relaxing. We all fundamentally understand racism because we experience it. The big difference is some other POC are feeling it from the state now while Black folk been feeling it since we were brought here. Regardless, we're able to agree that we feel it and it's all connected and we have solidarity with each others over it and that's enough to keep me going.

Just also wish my coworkers didn't have the liberal slant but one thing at a time.

Police watch me sometimes when I'm at the park, they haven't harassed me or anything and I'm usually too zoned out reading/writing/listening to music most of the time. I do think they are getting annoyed with me being so boring, idk having to preform and like this is eh. I'm used to by now always being put under a microscope, like it doesn't help my anxiety most of the time but sometimes I just wanna be invisible.

Just had a trip in Quebec City. Feels like any other Canadian city but edition...

"They dont even call it 'Japan' in Japan" <-smartest white at my job

Managed to find an Afro-Caribbean non-binary therapist willing to provide pro-bono therapy for me. This is real nice. My last therapist was a dismissive cis white gay man who was deeply infuriating and ineffective.

Ngl the Kirk stuff did worry me some the other day because of the possible back lash but like if I have to monitor every fit I would never get things done. Focusing on my HVAC career and the possibility finally of helping to lift my family out of poverty. I got goals and a future for when finally goes down

EU officials downplaying china’s significance in ww2 isn’t too surprising. A bunch of America worshipping whites who live off Netflix and US social media slop. Surprised they even know the history of their own countries.

My dreads been lookin a way that got me feelin like Shadow the Hedeghog (and I love it)

Got 5 interviews on my calendar right now, and I'm sure I got more to come

Woke up and had a voicemail for this missed call to set up an interview.

I called back to set up an interview, and that is one W, but another is that, even with my groggy, "just woke up" voice, the person on the phone called me "Miss." That means my voice passes as femme at this point. Nice.