The beginner will be determined by rock, paper, scissors. Also castling is cheating but moving two pawns one field forward instead of moving one pawn two fields is allowed. And if you do cheat but your opponent only notices after making their move it's also allowed. May the best conman win.

Thanks, I hate it.

Why do children always exchange bishop and knight?

With the rank and file labels added, you could have flipped the board, or even rotated it by 90°

apparently my little cousin would do better than i do

Hey kid you might be better at this child's game than me (what did you call it again chest? what oh chess? ha a terrible name to try to market) but guess what kid there won't be any ice left for penguins before you even get your first grey hair

I lean in close for this part of the monologue to emphasize the wisdom of my words to the camera

Look kid I don't recommend psychedelics to kids as a rule, which is why reality becoming a bad trip makes this fantasy combat battle game easy for me. Ah you think chess is your ally? You merely adopted the chess. I was born in it, molded by it. I didn't see chess pieces until I was already a man, by then it was nothing to me but blinding!

Checkmate

My cousin smiles and wanders away from their strange uncle