They test for "ecstacy", the street name, not "MDMA" the official name? Where did he get these test results from, his dealer?

Opiates are tested, and oxycodone? But oxycodone is an opiate. Is this list created by chatgpt?

It says it was a urine sample. As if the richest man in the world cannot get a clean urine sample from someone. It's probably from the only kid he gives attention (to block snipers when he's out in the open). That's probably why the kid punched him in the face. Because daddy wanted to touch his pipi.

It'd be better if it showed positive. At least there might be a reason for him being such a shitty person, now there isn't...he's just a shitty person with no excuse.

If the claim is that his obnoxious behaviour is nothing to do with his drug habit, I'm prepared to accept that.

It's obviously impossible that could be faked. I mean an image of a text document? There's no way!

Mere emojis are insufficient to convey how much I'm rolling my eyes.

Because drug tests are famously impossible to falsify, right?

The worse implication of this is that even if the results are true (which I don't accept because there was no witness or video evidence of the specimen collection), he still did all that crazy shit, including two nazi salutes, while allegedly sober.

Love how he doxxed the Dr.

given the videos of him high.

it would be better for him to admit he has a problem for simpathy, than admitting that him twitching on camera is his normal self.

Well I for one am perfectly convinced that patient TX45788288 is clean and free of drugs. Of course, I don't really know who that is. Probably isn't Musk though. Even if it is, I'm quite sure that he could easily find someone to piss in a cup for him for a million or so. Hell, I hate the dirt bag and I would have done it for a million bucks.

Also, I would never impute the integrity of Jennifer Taylor of Fastest Labs of South Austin, but I think maybe her boss should check to see if she suddenly jumped into a new tax bracket.

Well, as much as I'd love to believe him, I can't. I start immediately asking questions, like, why is every word either all caps or start with a capital letter except for the word "negative"? Could be the way that lab does it, but almost nowhere else seems to.

He absolutely did not submit the urine of one of his army of children.

For sure not.

Fun story time: I once got informed of a drug test for a job I'd just accepted after a weekend of hard partying. I was on prescription opiods, Adderall, and ketamine. They called Monday morning at 9 to tell me I had to piss within 4 hours. I hadn't even slept yet. I should have lit that test up like a Christmas tree for everything except thc. It came back clean. They never asked about my prescriptions. I have 2 theories. 1) they don't actually test. 2) if too many things light up, they assume it's a calibration issue.

“There is no quicker way for people to think that you are diddling kids than by writing a song about it!”

First thing that came to mind.

Yelp for this place

and the two reviews that it has

How did this dud ever get mistaken for a genius?

Does anyone see a date printed on there? Because I sure don't.

Most of these drugs are pretty much undetectable after abstaining for a few days. Big deal. Negative cannabis use surprised me a little but he probably left it behind when he picked up his ketamine binge. That said who the hell advertises their test results like this wtf?

Everyone says he is high, he is visibly high, and he admits to doing drugs on the regular... Clean drug screen!? How fucking stupid does he think everyone is.