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Overthinking or red flag I am missing? (lemmy.sdf.org)
submitted 3 days ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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Hey folks, hope all are well!! Need some outside perspective on a situation. Your thoughts are appreciated.

Apologies for the wall of text… added background, current state, questions at the end.

Background - I recently met someone at work (last week). They are new, I’ve been there a while. They manage projects, I work in IT. They were running a new project I was part of.

This person sounded really cool just listening to them. Meaning, funny, good personality, smart, etc. After the team meeting, I reached out to let them know I could help, if they had questions. They actually said they did.

That lead to some conversation both work and personal (surface level stuff, e.g. where do you live, how did your get into your line of work, etc.).

That lead to a few more short conversations last week. I also added them on LinkedIn.

Current State - I didn’t ask their relationship status in any conversations. They do make it seem like they are single. Based purely on how they talk about themselves.

Friday, trading messages at work. They say, “if I don’t talk to you have a great weekend”. I reply “same to you, but if you get bored feel free to say hi”.

Sunday they reach out via LinkedIn. We trade a few messages there. One one of which they send me a pic of them and their pet.

In my head I say @$!? it, I’ll give them my number. Proceed to give number. They say “going to shower, will message you when done”. They never message me… wait to see if they do on Monday. Thinking maybe they fell asleep, etc.

Monday… nothing… I was busy and didn’t reach out on LinkedIn. Plus I started thinking maybe they changed their mind about chatting. Maybe there is something else I don’t know about. Maybe cold feet about giving me their number.

Tuesday… at work, nothing from them. I reach out in the afternoon to say hi. Don’t mention anything about the weekend. Ask how their day was, etc.

Response was more personal than I expected. Meaning they called me a pet name, traded messages, were acting “cute” for better way to explain it.

Mentioned if they were free to chat, let me know. Said they “really wanted to” but were busy finishing up stuff before they go on vacation.

Say nothing else, today ends, no message outside of work as of this writing.

Question - am I being played? Meaning is this someone who may be bored, or unhappy in a relationship and me showing some interest is making them appear interested? Is there something else, some new trend I’m not aware of on the internet 🙂

Could I be walking into a trap (e.g. they’re married or significant other) and I’ll start getting threatening texts 🤨

Am I overthinking this and should let it play out more? They will be away all next week on vacation. 🤔

I’m confused Lemmy and don’t have the mental energy / prowess to handle something that’s gonna be bad mojo!! I may not be smart enough to even figure out what’s happening 🙂

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[-] [email protected] 7 points 3 days ago

Stop overthinking, ask for a coffee and see what's up.

[-] [email protected] 3 points 3 days ago

I appreciate the thought… unfortunately that’s not really how my brain is wired. However, I will make a point of asking about their relationship status.

I believe that’s probably going to be the best immediate next step. Would probably clear up a lot of things.

Thanks for posting!!

[-] [email protected] 6 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

Could be a lot of things. Could be they have a spouse and they are looking for a cheating partner. Could be they are flakey and just lost track of messages. Could be they just aren't into you in a romantic sense, and you've misread your relationship.

I have severe anxiety related to texting people, and it has cost me friends because they assume I'm ignoring them. It could be that.

The best thing to do is be direct. Put your cards on the table. "Are you seeing anyone? I'd like to take you out sometime." Of course, if they are a scumbag cheater, they might just lie. The best liars will work in layers of truth. "I'm technically still married, but we've been separated for a few years."

Starting any relationship requires taking a leap. Put yourself out there, assume the best, and trust that they won't hurt you. You might get hurt that way, or you might find the greatest moments of your life.

[-] [email protected] 2 points 3 days ago

Fair points related to all the “could be” statements you have. My gut leans toward the last one, as it wouldn’t be the first time haha.

I’ve been wanting to do that, but it just seemed to be a “right time” kind of question in our conversations. I will work it in soon, to get some answer… real or fake.

Sure, always have to put it out there and see what happens. Just getting a little tired of it failing miserably more often than I would like.

Thank you so much for your perspective and comments!!

this post was submitted on 28 May 2025
3 points (66.7% liked)

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