"Honey, I'm flattered, but I don't have the same feelings for you. Even if I did, it would be inappropriate for us to have a relationship. I hope you find someone else closer to your age."
this post was submitted on 20 May 2025
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Why do you need to be polite? If youβre direct or even rude youβre doing her a favour because it might turn her away from approaching other adults who would actually take advantage of her
These fictional relationship stories are getting out if hand. 23 years old with a house.
It belongs to my parents to be fair, we all live there.
Does your wife know about your GF you started dating 2 months ago?
Maybe they share an account with the sister-in-law.
This story is already strange and OPs post history contradicts it. Seems fake.
"23 years old. own house . married. "
a work of fiction!
They have one other post from 2 months ago saying they just started dating their girlfriend.
So 2 months later they are married and have a house?
Ok...
Not doing wonders for the stereotypes π
What do you mean?
Genuinely, I'm confused and curious.
Oh lol it's a stereotype that lesbian relationships move fast.. and move in fast π https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/U-Haul_lesbian
Not gonna lie, I wept a little for my own life reading that.
In this order:
-
Tell other adults you trust about the situation. Your wife. Her parents if possible. More than one other person.
-
Explain to her in very clear terms that you can't have that kind of relationship. It's not about what anybody feels, it's about what is possible.
-
At the FIRST sign of any type of revenge seeking behavior, that's when you consider the authorities and rely on backup from the adults you spoke to.
She very well might listen to you, process the rejection for what it is, and move on. Or she might flip out and cause you a mess. If she handles it well, she's learned something and you've treated a growing human with respect. If she doesn't, your ass is covered.
i'd say that it would be the case of turning her down with her parents present as in some sort of intervention.
also, speak to her firmly, avoiding second interpretations, that the two of you cannot be involved in any way, and if she continues her behaviour she will face legal consequences. time to learn that if you f*ck around, you'll find out.
No need to be polite. Set clear and firm boundaries and burn the bridge.
Right? That's jailbait and a homewrecker.
I don't think that's fair, that's a child. Children can get infatuated with people and they don't have the experience or the frame of reference to measure the consequences.
Please tell everything to your wife first.
This is not a "how do I be polite" situation. This is a "how do I cover my ass legally" situation. Mistake it for the former at your peril.
I don't know which country OP is from, but it's completely legal in many countries. Source
Still potentially risky nowadays. Don't take chances.
Not all the world is the US. Luckily.
But a lot of the world got caught up in their moral crusades, which they love to export.
It is not impolite to say something like "I'm married, and even if I wasn't, you're underage. We are not dating, and we are not going to date."
She's being very inappropriate in this situation. That isn't really meant to be a harsh judgment of her because she's a kid and kids shouldn't be expected to how to behave yet, especially when they're very new to experiencing feelings of sexual or romantic attraction. Shutting her down firmly (but without any cruelty) will help her learn.
First, make sure you're never alone with her. It's important to have someone be able to vouch for you that nothing bad happened. Even if it's not her intention, rumors spread and mutate in the most unexpected ways, and you'll want to make sure you're in the clear if it ever comes to pass that people start to suspect that you are having a relationship with her.
Second, you'll want to speak with her. Make it clear that you are serious and that this is a serious talk. Whenever you see her next, just say something like "we need to have a talk." Might be cliche, but the cliche aspect of it reinforces the serious nature of it IMO, since most people already associate that phrase with something serious.
You don't need to be rude, but you need to be very clear where you stand on the matter. Make it clear that 1) you are not in a relationship with her, 2) you do not wish to be in a relationship with her, 3) you don't appreciate her saying that you're in a relationship with her. With talks of this nature, there's no point beating around the bush. She may be temporarily hurt, but there is a difference between being hurt due to rejection and hurt due to injustice. She will come to appreciate the honesty in time.
Tell your wife the situation beforehand, because it's possible the girl will tell lies in retaliation for her hurt feelings. If she's been crushing on you the scenarios are already in her head, she won't even have to make them up. Stay calm and remember you're the adults.
Uhhh screw respect in this instance? If this kid says something to someone, you could be arrested and brought before a court even if nothing happened. They clearly are already lying about the whole scenario. Burn that bridge, asap. I'd even possibly involve parents so they know what's up. Clear the air before some teen gossip happens and things get out of control.
The only right answer here is that being in a place where you have to extricate yourself from the situation means you are already deep in dangerous territory. Yes follow everyone else's advice too, but if at the end of it you haven't changed your behaviors so you are no longer exposed to this sort of risk, you still have a problem.
Rearrange your life so you aren't alone with/having conversations with teenage girls. If that's not possible, make sure you are never alone with them.
I'm surprised an adult hasn't already heard this girls claim and sent the cops to pay you a visit.
You in danger girl.
Why do you need to be respectful? If this is even a real story just tell her youβre not interested and youβre married. Itβs not complicated
Wait, FOURTEEN? I thought you were going to say 19 or something like that. Either way just be honest, you're taken, there's too much age difference, and (apparently) she's not your type. She should meet up with someone her own age.
Forget her feelings. Make it clear there is no relationship. Otherwise they will hold onto hope and could try to undermine your marriage.
You can't prioritze other people's feelings. Almost always others wont prioritze yours.
Make sure to never be alone with her.
First, I think there's some risk if she's telling people you two are dating. Definitely tell your wife, but you should also probably talk to her parents about it.
- If they start hearing stories about their daughter and you, they already have context for it
- You can work with them to decide how to proceed
This is an opportunity to teach her about boundaries, appropriate behavior, and unrequited love in a relatively controlled environment. She will listen to you in ways that she won't listen to parents.
You could have a direct conversation with her about how it's not ok to tell other people that you're dating. Tell her that it makes you uncomfortable that she knows you have a wife but still told you she has feeling for you. Tell her that you are happily married and not interested in dating a fourteen year old. Model clear communication.
And empathize with her that it's hard to have feelings for someone that doesn't like you back. Talk about how you've handled it in the past. Tell her that it'll pass. Tell her what she should know as she grows up.
She's a teenager, so her feelings for you will go away regardless, but I think you can make the rest of her life tangibly better by having a real conversation with her.
Tell your wife, her parents, and anyone else who will listen, then call the cops and complain of harassment and get a restraining order on her.
Idc where you live but there's many places where lesbians in this situation will be treated as men and you don't want it to ever get to that point.
Explain to her that it's immoral, you're not attracted to children, and that you will be going no contact with her.
Honestly, why be polite? She needs to get the message loud and clear, and preferably it ought to have the effect of discouraging her from attempting to repeat it with anybody else
Lawyer up. A few hundred dollars now is worth every penny if you need one later.
Just get them to help you and what to watch out for.
Tell her to stop. Then cease all contact. No need to be respectful. Itβs not a situation that needs fine granularity.
You are the adult in this and itβs always going to be your responsibility to do the right thing. So act like a responsible adult.
Document everything. And avoid the hell out of her. It's impossible to predict how turning anyone down can go, so the safest course of action is to not turn her down, but to never go near her again
Just don't be
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