Transfem

-i dont feel any weirdness calling myself a lesbian, trans women are women after all. this stigma fades after enough time to let it become normal

-im not diagnosed but pretty sure lol, not a position id give advice from though

-assuming your parents arent helicopter patents and invading your privacy, feminine undergarments are good outlets for this. i used to wear cheap sports bras (the ones with no padding, just the fabric/elastic) under my shirt. compression underwear (gaffe) or just womens underwear in general are nice too

shaving your body is a good way as well, and if you are allowed to grow out your hair then styling that in some way (even if its just a ponytail or bun) is nice

-still in my hometown

-couldnt see a therapist not because of my parents (money and priorities) for a long time, but i dealt with my mental health struggles through online gaming and friend groups. sorta brute forcing myself to be confident, and keeping in mind that it gets better. therapy helps though, even if slowly with how good i am at masking

• I don't really remember how I dealt with it other than I didn't feel like I'd earned it yet so I din't really actively use it
• just be friendly autistic at other girls, this is what we call rizmatism. You'll be good
• I had a pouch with feminine accessories like jewelry I'd take on and off, but honestly they won't notice most of what you're worried about (change blindness and other factors)
• n/a
• marijuana

Being out is so much better though ✌️ I wish you well on your journey

Best wishes! Everyone starts at this point, and things do get better. Here are my thoughts:

1. First of all, I want to say being a lesbian isn't about how you look. One of my good friends is a butch cis woman, and she gets mistaken for a man all the time. That being said, I understand exactly how you feel. I identified outwardly as nonbinary for a long time knowing full well I was a woman because I felt like I "didn't deserve" to be a woman, much less a sapphic woman. Being on estrogen for a few years really helped with that, but the steps you make before that can go a long way too. Pre-HRT was a fantastic time for me to develop my voice, learn makeup, learn how to take care of long hair, and get laser hair removal. You list might be different.

2. I'm not autistic, but I hope you get some more good answers in this post.

3. I never really tried to suppress my femininity around parents while in the closet, but it might be a safety issue for you. I'm sorry if it is. But like JennyLaFae said, sometimes cis people can be really oblivious. Sometimes people would call me out for being too feminine, and I'd just roll with it and it wasn't a big deal. Otherwise, do you have friends you can be your true self around?

4. I didn't intentionally mean for things to turn out this way, but when I met my now-long term girlfriend, she was living in a large, queer-friendly city 90 minutes away from where I was living. So when the time was right after a few years, I packed my bags and we moved in together. The bottom line is that I couldn't have afforded to live comfortably in that city alone, so I found someone to live with. Which could be a partner or a roommate.

5. I don't know. I'm so sorry. It depends on what you're diagnosed with. Specifically for gender dysphoria, my therapist told me that I'm my own worst critic, to avoid mirrors unless there's something I specifically need to do, avoid comparing myself to other women (which for me involved quitting Instagram) and not to project how I perceive my appearance onto others. For instance, if I'm in public and feeling dysphoric, I tend to assume everyone's looking at me and thinks I look gross. But is that what they really think? Most people are so wrapped up in their own things that they don't even notice, or maybe they even think I look good.

I can really only answer the first two or three as I was already on my own when I was out/transitioned.

1. There's a lot of internalized transphobia that definitely makes this really challenging early on. I had a buddy who's dad loved to say shit like "I'm a teenage lesbian trapped in a man's body" and it always felt super icky. I definitely feel that ick waning as I transition, but there are still those "man pretending to be a woman" brainworms that bug me from time to time.

2. I feel like at least half the trans people I know are on the spectrum, so you'll fit right in lol.

3. I can at least give a bit of insight on this one, as I unfortunately hid things, just not from my parents.

Undergarments and women's cut clothes are really nice and not necessarily noticeable to those around you. It's subtle, but the difference between a women's and men's tee makes a significant difference for how I see myself, but others are unlikely to notice.

Growing your hair out is another possible option and did wonders for my mental health, while simply using the excuse of wanting to try something new or even just being too lazy/busy to get it cut.

Getting my ears pierced was another small thing that's pretty common with men too nowadays. Even clip-on earrings are an option if you want to go really incognito.

Tinted chapstick and similar "not-makeup" cosmetics are again, subtle, but they are small things that add up without being too overt.

"Feminizing workouts" sound ridiculous, but they can legit give you great hips/butt without hormones. Again, not anything super overt, but I guarantee you'll notice before anyone else does.

Transfem NB, almost certainly autistic, but not diagnosed.

On point 3: I don't live with my parents but sometimes people can be really oblivious. There is generally a tendency by people to weight male traits as higher priority when gendering people than female traits. Also people don't generally notice small changes at a time.

From one neurodivergent woman to another, be aware that ableism exists everywhere. Finding other neuroqueer people was the first time in my life I really felt like I belonged somewhere.

I'm also a lesbian. It did take me a long time to come around to that though. Had less to do with my body and more with my confusion surrounding the way men affirming me made me feel. Straight men finding me desirable validated my identity. I confused the euphoria of that validation with attraction. I transitioned almost a decade ago and do not see a male body though, so not exactly what I think you're referring to.