Ask Lemmy

Rhyming words with pitch. I was in 2nd grade. And I wasn't trying to get away with saying bitch, it's just a word that my parents used and it popped into my head.

Girl who sat next to me told.

Two classmates got into a fight in class and I bailed out of there because I wanted no part of it. The teacher got mad at me for bailing and said I should've done something. I was 12, what do you think I could do?

I got sent to the principal's office in kindergarten for saying my teacher had big hands after another kid called them "bigfoot" while they were standing on a step-ladder. She apparently was insecure about her massive, gigantic, galactic-sized hands.

Farting. I had a teacher who would send kids to the nurse for farting. So, of course, we'd fart as loud as possible and blame it on someone around us. You know, whip your head to the side and say,"Damn, Chris!" They usually got sent to the nurse. This was at least 2-3 times a week. I got blamed enough times that she upped the seriousness and sent me to the principal. Fair enough, I mean, I had gotten more kids sent to the nurse than they got me, and the principal just sort of rolled his eyes and sent me back to class. 7th grade.

For continuously saying "eyyyyy". TBF it was really annoying, every time I was scolded I'd respond with eyy whoaaa eyyy and it escalated from there. It was pretty funny to see the explanation on the write up without context though.

Fake-eating an electrical plug. The plug was both not connected to any power - I was "eating" the end that goes into the wall - and also never even close to actually being in my mouth, but the teacher was apparently at just the right angle for it to look convincing and freaked enough that he decided to call my parents and give me lines

The drug dog hit on my car right before Christmas break senior year. It hit on my box of Claritin D, so I let them search it. They used tweezers to pick flakes of what they called weed out of the floorboards, and I got sent to alternative school for 19 weeks.

Well, the school handbook said that the max punishment was 6 weeks, so we appealed it. The principal and superintendent were new and wanted to make an example of me, so that was a bust.

At the same time, I had submitted all of my stuff for my Eagle Scout rank, but still hadn't had the final board of review.

Right before our school board meeting, we got a call from one of the member's wives. This school board member was also the scout master, and he hated me. She said that my behavior wasn't befitting of an Eagle Scout, and if we kept appealing they'd revoke it, and those few flakes of weed would turn into 2 ounces (felony possession).

Jokes on them, though. In alternative school they just sent all of my work for the rest of the year, so I did it in like 3 weeks and didn't have to go anymore. I did have to shake that board members hand when I graduated, though.

Kid I knew ripped the IT dept account and password out of Windows using a boot disk and told a few people including me.

You could use the account to remote access any computer on the network. I used it to set a friend of mine’s desktop background to an image I made of the world’s ugliest dogs. Teacher caught me and I fessed up.

Got yanked into the coordinators office and got a big spiel about how the account could have been used to access exams and reports and whatnot. Surprisingly didn’t get in that much trouble since I didn’t really use my great powers for anything crazy. Had to write a letter of apology to the principal and got detention for a bit and that’s it.

Kid who ripped the password didn’t do any time from what I remember. Don’t think I ratted, or at least I hope not.

Making a fireball with the schools powdered coffee creamer.

One day at 5th grade recess I was just walking by myself when some kid jumps on my back and starts choking me. I reflexively bent forward causing him to fall. I was suspended for a week. He got nothing

Putting my arm around my girlfriend's shoulder while we were sitting at an assembly. I wasn't doing anything inappropriate, we were just sitting there. But the principal took me aside at one point and told me to stop.

Was a boy in kindergarten and my teacher told my parents that I was retarded because I couldn't read. Had been reading to parents since I was three. Turned out she just hated boys.

Grade 3, I was saying "fuh" like the first sound in "fuck" and Katherine told on me for saying "fuck" even though I didn't say it. Tragically, her story was believed and mine was not. I never forgave her. I also never saw her again after Grade 5, so whatevs.

There are a lot of choices, but one I was talking to someone else about today was the time we were doing the pledge of allegiance, and I did it in a language that wasn't English. I started doing it in an indigenous language, and after two lines the teacher was like "TINA, NO!!!"

I got jumped and I yelled back “effing assholes” just like that. We all got the same punishment, them for beating me up and me for “profanity”.

Fuck that school lol

Changing the CRT resolution from 1024x768 to something actually useful. They made us walk back to the computer lab to switch it back.

I got suspended for getting punched after a kid kicked my lunch down a hall and called me a retard.

I got in trouble for not singing during rehearsal for our 2nd grade Christmas concert. I remember this because I was definitely singing and it's the first time I can remember getting in trouble for something I didn't do and having no power to do anything about it. I actually love singing so much that I ended up singing in any group I could join in highschool and college. Really though, that teacher just didn't like me very much 🫤

We had a strict no-candy policy in my elementary school. So I ended up selling candy between classes for the local candy man. Teacher found out and gave me a slap on the wrist.

Telling other kids to stop talking because, if they didn't, they'd get in trouble.

One, 2nd grade Roman Catholic school, telling a bully of mine that he's going to H-E-Double Hockey Sticks, got detention for that.

Two, getting detention for skipping/running back in from a fire drill. I think that was 3rd grade.

Gah my school was fucking stupid.

I made a copy of an Apple system diskette.

Getting a 99% grade, proof I don't care about education and don't pay attention to anything other than stupid video games. How hard is it to Just Follow Directions? I am so glad I'm not a child anymore.

Not doing the Hokey Pokey correctly. Yes, corporal punishment was still a thing. Yes, it mentally scarred me.

Smoking. Dumbest fuckin thing...