Turtle Island
this post was submitted on 12 Feb 2025
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Trade names with the Gulf and become the United States of Mexico.
That’s just Mexico’s actual name
A not-insignificant amount of the USA was Mexico, at one time.
United States of Gulf & Mexico America
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Hank D. Hamburgers Electric Freedom Gun-Republic
Brought to you by Carl’s Jr.
~~Republuc~~ llc
As Amerigo is the Italianized version of the German 'Emmerich', i'd call it like that.
Bonus is that there is a very unassuming German border town called thusly.
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United States of Native America
United Tribes of America
Wackoland
Listen. I know you said no wrong answers but unfortunately due to the past few decades of the American Political system, pretty much anything is now effectively accurate. Even such things as:
- The Divided States of America
- McMilitary Industrial Complex
- The Paycheck-to-Paycheck Republic
- Red vs Blue
- Gilded Ruins
- AmeriKKKa
- Walmartistan
- Gunlandia
- Yeehaw Reich
- Methlehem
- Debtlandia
- Live, Laugh, Lawsuit
DUM-FUCK-ISTAN. Fuck yeah!!!!
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The Adjacent States of Denial
Staties McStatyface
Oooh a contest to name the country, most votes wins!
I'll set up the 1-900 number, just $10 to submit your vote.
Given the religious fervor throughout its history, how about naming it after an ancient biblical region?
Transjordan?
Wait. Shit, that won't work, even Jordan's gone woke. Maybe something else in the region?
OH! How about Gilead!?
Sodom. From the story of Sodom & Gommorah, but I would choose the name based on a passage from Ezekiel.
"This was the guilt of your sister Sodom: she and her daughters had pride, excess of food, and prosperous ease, but did not aid the poor and needy."
I grew up being taught that America was literally the "Whore of Babylon" from the Book of Revelation.
And upon her forehead was a name written, MYSTERY, BABYLON THE GREAT, THE MOTHER OF HARLOTS AND ABOMINATIONS OF THE EARTH. - Revelation 17:5
It was specifically said to be a prophecy about the United States and once you understood that, the rest of the story just clicked into place! I want to vomit just thinking back to that bullshit.
Yep, in classical biblical literature it's understood that the "sin of Sodom" was lack of social justice.
It's the Christian interpretation that made it primarily a sex thing.
Except Transjordan isn't biblical. It's the region of Palestine that became The Kingdom of Jordan. As opposed to Cisjordan, which is the region that became Israel and the present Palestine.
But I don't think we're allowed to say cis anymore. /s
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Serious answer: the Viking settlers named the land "Vinland" long before Columbus was even born. That name is of Germanic origin, same as the English language, and would be appropriate for settlers of Germanic origin (England, Germany, etc.)
Alternatively, a name in ~~the~~ a Native American language would be most appropriate given that they were the original inhabitants of the land.
A name in the Native American language
There is no single native American language. There are over 200 of them, and used to be around 300-400, in 57 different families and over two dozen completely isolated languages (which might not be, but it's hard to find out). And they'd likely be at the very least somewhat mutually culturally insensitive.
So that might be even more difficult than using English, which at least has the benefit of being popular now.
Vinland is Newfoundland, I'm afraid! It's not generally thought that the Norse made it as far south in the Americas as the modern day contiguous USA
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Sounds a lot like Finland doesn't it? I believe if our name is on it then it's ours!
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Muskland. Quickly so we can start a fight.
The Land of the Flee while you still can
United States of Lee (after General Robert Lee)
New motto
All For Me and None For Thee
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Dumbfuckistan
South Canada
Clown Country
Donald Trump’s Best, Biggest Country in the World, the Biggest, Juiciest Country there is, you know it, folks, No Illegals Allowed, No Fentanyl, All the Guns! And Covfefe!
united states of fuck you, i got mine.
American States of Maga
And yes, it is infinitely recursive.