i used to be kind of a huge dickhead. i mean, i've got a bunch of Brain Problems & I think my egg was starting to crack, so i ended up having this stupid reactionary phase that just feels super surreal when i think about it. but i think about it a lot, because my favourite pastime was yelling at strangers online. i was actively feeding my anger because it was basically the only thing i had. i think about it a lot, because i must remember that i had completely lost track for a while there. & now my brother is going through the same thing, except it's far worse because of the post truth bullshit. his are only getting worse. like, what am i supposed to say if someone says it's a proven fact that women have never been treated as lesser BUT ALSO that women only have rights because men gave it to them

sorry. this is kind of a long ramble. but the point is, all this stuff has kinda led me to taking a more passive role in my interactions. i disengage & block v often because my being upset is a full body experience. i know i need to curate my media consumption with my mental wellbeing in mind, so even if a comment is pissing me off because i 200% know they're full of shit, i just move on, because it doesn't matter what i say to a person whose worldview is all vibes / projection. they see themselves as the Good & Reasonable People, so naturally anything that challenges their views sets them off. they're just not playing by the same rules at all & i'd rather use my energy on something constructive instead. there must be millions of people like i used to be & i gotta understand that not all of them can be helped.

i'm just so fucking tired.