137
the effective altruist club came to my restaurant last weekend (hexbear.net)
submitted 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) by fuckiforgotmypasswor@hexbear.net to c/chat@hexbear.net
49 comments fedilink hide all child comments

i cannot believe how comically apropos and ironic and terrible the entire thing was

ok, get this

first off they came in on a sat night and reserved like half of our fucking tables, like a 30-top so we had to rearrange the entire place for their meetup. they show up huddled outside the restaurant like boy scouts waiting to be lead by their troop leader, but like, 34 year old men (who look EXACTLY like you would expect these fucking dorks to look like; seriously, not even gonna describe them, just picture an effective altruist and yes, thats exactly what they ALL looked like, it was surreal)

ok anyway then they are directed by their troop leader to be seated and that there's a one drink minimum tonight (the leaders have t shirts that say effective altruism on them.....uggghhh), they all proceed to order one drink

literally the rest of the night they do not order a single god damn fucking thing. one of them ordered like 2 sides of fries for the entire group and 2 pizzas for the entire group of 30 people. these pizzas feed 2 people a piece... like, maybe

they proceeded to complain that we arent filling their waters enough. as i refilled their waters, i had to listen to the most insufferable fucking dialogue i have ever heard in my entire adult life. oh my god i was trying so hard not to burst out laughing and/or murder them every time i walked by, like "i was thinking the other day, is it ethical to even exist??? bro, i dont know, sopheclese says" blah blah fucking blah and prenatalism vs promortalism and holy fucking mother of god dude we get it you listen to the sam harris podcast shut up shut up shut the fuck up before i take that pizza tray and beat your ass to death with it oh my god

they then tried to split the check 30 ways, I AM NOT MAKING THIS SHIT UP. YOU CANT, I DARE YOU

we were so staffed up (it was a fucking SATURDAY NIGHT) and we made zero fucking money collectively because these fucking pretentious adult children do not understand the most basic fucking etique, norms or standards that pertain to regular fucking civil society, we must have collectively lost $500 in tips for the entire staff because of the people we physically could not seat because of them.

they stayed until an hour after closing and we had to physically start removing their tables to get them to leave. i will never forget this night

the tip was a pittance obviously, even broke college students tip better, anyway, had to share!

all 50 comments
sorted by: hot top new old
[-] someone@hexbear.net 74 points 2 years ago

they then tried to split the check 30 ways

No jury would convict you.

[-] NephewAlphaBravo@hexbear.net 50 points 2 years ago

sounds like they weren't very effective tbh

[-] Vampire@hexbear.net 48 points 2 years ago

Such a weird concept. Do they think everybody besides themselves tries to help people without ever giving a thought to how?

What do they think charities do all day? Do they think they just sorta dig wells in random spots and never think about the science of it?

[-] Lester_Peterson@hexbear.net 59 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

The purpose of effective altruism is to provide a justification to not be altruistic. To them their decision to not tip, to work for an evil tech company, and to support reactionary politics can all be excused as necessary to support the greater good.

For effective altruists, the most altruistic course of action possible is to amass as much money as possible, so that it can be donated to prevent an evil all-powerful ai (the devil), from causing the singularity (rapture), and imprisoning human consciousness for an eternity in virtual torture chambers (hell). Conversely by paying tithes to create a good ai (god), we can create a transhuman paradise on Earth (heaven), and bring the dead back to life to live forever.

They have reinvented Christianity to such an extent that they're even managing to steal the crown from the post-Church crowd as the worst people in a restaurant.

[-] BurgerPunk@hexbear.net 35 points 2 years ago

They have reinvented Christianity to such an extent that they're even managing to steal the crown from the post-Church crowd as the worst people in a restaurant.

michael-laugh perfect. That brought back some flashbacks to sunday lunch shifts

[-] the_itsb@hexbear.net 17 points 2 years ago

my parents are those people and it is mortifying to be out with them, I would rather cook a giant meal myself for them than do it

if I forget to bring cash to make up for their shitty tip, I have to sneak away and pull the server aside, give them my debit card, and ask them to please order me a small dessert etc so I could tip them, while apologizing profusely for my parents' attitude

they weren't like that 15-20 years ago, idk what happened – both of them had difficult, public-facing, service-oriented jobs that they were good at, and they used to be really kind to other working people

[-] Sulvor@hexbear.net 27 points 2 years ago

To them their decision to not tip, to work for an evil tech company, and to support reactionary politics can all be excused as necessary to support the greater good.

I came in to ask what effective altruists are but this sounds about right.

"I don't give homeless people money or food because it just encourages that kind of behavior"-type people

[-] Doubledee@hexbear.net 29 points 2 years ago

Some of these people believe homeless people are actually middle class and pretending because it pays better than getting a job. I had one tell me he honestly believes they go home, wash up, and then go engage in upper middle class pastimes once they get enough money standing on the side of the road.

I'm not sure how you even argue with that.

[-] Sulvor@hexbear.net 14 points 2 years ago

The unfortunate truth is there are panhandlers that are not homeless. I have personally seen people picked up in Audis after holding a homeless sign near me.

It is usually women with children, but I don’t know their situation. They could be being trafficked or taken advantage of, but it does happen.

Unfortunate for the people out there that need help.

[-] keepcarrot@hexbear.net 18 points 2 years ago

I've been dropped off at my local welfare office in my dad's Jag and then Tesla. Wealthy-ish parents who did not believe in trickle down but did invite me over for dinner time to time. Weird. No idea what people's circumstances are (also, being homeless with a car, if its an Audi or a 1993 Toyota Corolla, is a lot nicer than being homeless and having no car).

[-] the_itsb@hexbear.net 11 points 2 years ago

there was a guy who became locally infamous in my area for making a good living panhandling

he had a spot near the off-ramp everywhere that qualifies as a city, but because there are a lot of genuinely kind people here who had tried talking to him to get him plugged into public and private assistance and he was strangely honest with them, and because he was foolish enough to park his well-maintained new-ish vehicle very close by every spot, and because these are small cities with a lot of overlapping traffic and social circles, people eventually figured it out

(there was even a stink in the local newspaper, the archives of which are hard to search because it was eaten 10+ years ago by a big conglomerate that will only let me look at a handful of articles a month)

I remember it so clearly because we were so fucking broke at the time – Medicaid, SNAP, WIC, HEAP, etc, and still barely getting by – and I had given that dude money a few times. I still give money when I have it, but that incident makes me wonder sometimes how foolish I should feel about it – some people have his vibe, unfortunately.

then there's someone like the lady with kids I gave a $20 to a couple months ago; she almost cried and seemed genuinely super happy and grateful, so either she is an incredibly talented actor or she really needed that $20 more than I did 🤷 idk, maybe both, maybe she has realized that a big reaction to gifts makes others more inclined to give them, but also nobody wants to sit with their kids for hours next to a busy intersection with only an umbrella for shelter on a clear 90F day with 85% humidity

[-] NewAcctWhoDis@hexbear.net 24 points 2 years ago

I think the origin of effective altruism was more "it's better to take a high-paying finance job and donate the excess money to charity than get a job at said charity" but I don't think many of them are actually donating half their incomes every year.

[-] Llituro@hexbear.net 41 points 2 years ago

if they understood even something so basic as tipping politely, they wouldn't be spending so much of their time having shower thoughts about "effective" altruism at each other. like, it's moron children going through baby's first existential crisis, poorly, together, with literally no material reality to ground them it seems.

[-] UlyssesT@hexbear.net 41 points 2 years ago

going through baby's first existential crisis, poorly, together, with literally no material reality to ground them it seems

They always, always, seek some super efficient and easy shortcut to enlightenment and then believe what whatever clumsy epiphany they stumble into is something no one else ever thought of before.

[-] heggs_bayer@hexbear.net 22 points 2 years ago

I can tell this is slightly dated because there's no mention of treat printer tech/LLMs.

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] TheBroodian@hexbear.net 22 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

semen as coffee creamer

lmfao

load more comments (2 replies)
[-] PointAndClique@hexbear.net 10 points 2 years ago

I honestly believe these thickheads are thinking shutterstock

[-] kristina@hexbear.net 39 points 2 years ago

you just got altruismed smuglord

[-] OprahsedCreature@lemmy.ml 11 points 2 years ago

Effectively

[-] UlyssesT@hexbear.net 39 points 2 years ago

first off they came in on a sat night and reserved like half of our fucking tables, like a 30-top so we had to rearrange the entire place for their meetup. they show up huddled outside the restaurant like boy scouts waiting to be lead by their troop leader, but like, 34 year old men (who look EXACTLY like you would expect these fucking dorks to look like; seriously, not even gonna describe them, just picture an effective altruist and yes, thats exactly what they ALL looked like, it was surreal)

I know exactly what you're talking about, and yes, I second what you're saying: they look exactly what someone would expect them to look like. big-yud

they proceeded to complain that we arent filling their waters enough. as i refilled their waters, i had to listen to the most insufferable fucking dialogue i have ever heard in my entire adult life. oh my god i was trying so hard not to burst out laughing and/or murder them every time i walked by, like "i was thinking the other day, is it ethical to even exist??? bro, i dont know, sopheclese says" blah blah fucking blah and prenatalism vs promortalism and holy fucking mother of god dude we get it you listen to the sam harris podcast shut up shut up shut the fuck up before i take that pizza tray and beat your ass to death with it oh my god

They also do that shit in bookstores, in tea shops, and sometimes stop you if you look like you're not too busy to "ask you a quick question" if they catch you on the sidewalk.

we were so staffed up (it was a fucking SATURDAY NIGHT) and we made zero fucking money collectively because these fucking pretentious adult children do not understand the most basic fucking etique, norms or standards that pertain to regular fucking civil society, we must have collectively lost $500 in tips for the entire staff because of the people we physically could not seat because of them.

Paying the working class better isn't going to make trillions of immortal cyber-angels dance on the head of a singularity pin, but maybe a payoff for their latest startup getting bought up will!

I am glad I haven't seen a single one of those "EA" grifters in the northeast, though I did see two ZYBERTRUKKKs in one day recently.

[-] Ram_The_Manparts@hexbear.net 29 points 2 years ago

they proceeded to complain that we arent filling their waters enough. as i refilled their waters, i had to listen to the most insufferable fucking dialogue i have ever heard in my entire adult life. oh my god i was trying so hard not to burst out laughing and/or murder them every time i walked by, like "i was thinking the other day, is it ethical to even exist??? bro, i dont know, sopheclese says" blah blah fucking blah and prenatalism vs promortalism and holy fucking mother of god dude we get it you listen to the sam harris podcast shut up shut up shut the fuck up before i take that pizza tray and beat your ass to death with it oh my god

10/10

[-] GalaxyBrain@hexbear.net 25 points 2 years ago

Cook here: I have never ever contaminated food but I would have everyone on staff spit in their food the second I knew what they were there for. Honestly I'd probably refuse to cook for them and tell the manager why not later and risk the consequences.

[-] Tomboymoder@hexbear.net 24 points 2 years ago

wtf is an effective altruist?

[-] charly4994@hexbear.net 23 points 2 years ago

The most infamous of the bunch is SBF of the FTX fraud fame. Essentially their entire schtick is that they have to become ultra wealthy so they can donate more money and thus be more effective with their altruism. They usually end up working finance and arguing that since they make a lot of money and their donations are bigger they're better off than if they were doing a more useful job and not giving even a small portion of what they were.

[-] SkingradGuard@hexbear.net 16 points 2 years ago

If they're not funding communist guerrillas then they fuck off with their "altruism" bullshit

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[-] bazingabrain@hexbear.net 9 points 2 years ago

dude. yes. wtf is that.

this post was submitted on 14 Sep 2024
137 points (99.3% liked)

chat

8615 readers
165 users here now

Chat is a text only community for casual conversation, please keep shitposting to the absolute minimum. This is intended to be a separate space from c/chapotraphouse or the daily megathread. Chat does this by being a long-form community where topics will remain from day to day unlike the megathread, and it is distinct from c/chapotraphouse in that we ask you to engage in this community in a genuine way. Please keep shitposting, bits, and irony to a minimum.

As with all communities posts need to abide by the code of conduct, additionally moderators will remove any posts or comments deemed to be inappropriate.

Thank you and happy chatting!

founded 4 years ago
MODERATORS
SexUnderSocialism@hexbear.net
Sulvy@hexbear.net
oscardejarjayes@hexbear.net
Wakmrow@hexbear.net
LeninWeave@hexbear.net
abc@hexbear.net