As Stephen Colbert gleefully said of the couch story last week, "It's not true, and nobody cares."

I loved Seth Meyers' first joke about it when he came back off break (which is when Trump picked Vance):

"It's NOT TRUE that JD Vance had sex with a couch. It is JUST A RUMOR!"

...

...

"It was just hand stuff."

However a lot of people are saying. Strong people, tough people. And they are saying very strongly. Lots of people. I don't know, but a lot of people are saying it.

The best thing about it is that nobody actually believes it's a real story. But it's a great joke, because it just fits him so well. And the joke isn't just that he would romance a loveseat, but that he might write about it without an ounce of self-awareness. The dude is not just awkward as fuck, but in a sinister sort of way. You could easily believe that if you left him alone with your own sofa, he might do unspeakable things.

A fucking recliner? To reduce risk? You want to stick your dick into this thing? That's a hard pass from me, friend.

YOU LEAVE MY RECLINER ALONE!!!

La-z-boy recliners are ambush predators, I hope one manages to get him.

He doesn't want love from his fuck toys. Just cushioning.

OF link? I'm asking for my friend, JD uh.... Pants?

S L A M S