ADHD

ADHD is commonly referred to as an executive dysfunction - it also effects non-executive tasks and time management in general but, coming into adulthood, you'll truly understand why it's a recognized disability and stare in shocked horror at ADHD havers of prior generations.

It was really unfortunate in school if you failed to complete an assignment and had to repeat a course or a grade but if you can't manage to pay rent or utility bills (even when you have the money to) you're fucked. It can also be difficult to keep jobs if you struggle to produce consistent output potentially depriving you of the money to pay those bills.

When you were a kid you (hopefully) would always have a roof over your head and food to eat - being an adult means losing that guaranteed safety net. Even if we've had years to practice coping methods the price of failure is extremely steep.

It's also for this reason that I've encouraged everyone I know in the states with ADHD to emigrate - the social safety nets in America effectively don't exist for us as they have qualifications and constant high amounts of effort to maintain enrollment. If you get fucked once in America you're going to be in a bad place.

No.

It’s just that adult life is less forgiving of ADHD symptoms.

As a kid they give you more of a pass because you’re a kid, they just assume kids get distracted, consumed by social life issues, or just “teen issues”. Maybe you fail one assignment but you pull a win off later that keeps your head above water thanks to averaging grades.

Now you move into a highly structured adult life where there’s far less forgiveness for failure to accomplish things by deadlines. Adult life doesn’t average your failure to pay bills or accomplish work your boss told you to do.

So yeah, ADHD is more stressful as an adult because there’s less forgiveness, less wiggle room.

JMO.

I was also diagnosed late in life (mid 40s).

For me it became a significant impact in two places in my life:

1. as my roles changed and I needed more ability to handle "blank page" type work assignments as I became more senior, rather than "survive this chaos" which I've always excelled at (given my ability to drop something, pick up something else, then revert later.) With previous "chaos surfing" roles, my now diagnosed ADHD was actually a secret super power (seriously, I managed turn ADHD into a career). As my roles became more "take this blank page, and figure out what to do, and make it into a project to make stuff better" I fell off a performance cliff.

2. as 1 happened, my ramp up of symptom management routines started to impact my family. (I didn't actually realise this until my partner filled in her part of my diagnosis questionnaire. )

My Doc basically told me I had been doing everything they want ADHD patients to do to manage the impacts of their symptoms, but my level of challenge had reached a point where medication could help me live at an effort level below the 99.99% constant I had all the time.

He was right and it did..

I'm 50 and I have my ADHD assessment in a month. I'm in software too similar to OP. for me the impulsiveness has gotten worse where i react with deregulated emotional outbursts that are affecting me and my family. I've got a bunch of processes to handle a lot of the symptoms but impulsiveness was never something I noticed I had until recently. I've always known i don't have much of a filter, blurting out whatever is forefront in my head. I've asked a number of my medicated friends and I'm told the medication does help with the emotional impulsiveness, providing the time to filter. but it does feel weird doing this at 50 🤯

Yes. I didn’t seek treatment until my late 40s. I think my coping mechanisms started failing me as I got older, for a variety of reasons.

I'm not sure if the ADHD got worse or it was just the consequences that got worse. Either way, I've had to try to find coping mechanisms. I make a lot of lists and use the reminder app on my phone a lot.

It doesn't get worse, everyone else changes.

Covid amplified mine hard-core and was the reason i sought diagnosis. I've heard others have experienced similar but I have no idea if this is a widespread thing, and it will be years before research attempts to check. It makes sense though, given the serotonin changes and the way neurotransmitters interact and regulate one another

Not particularly. I’m simply more aware of how it’s affected certain situations after the fact.

I think it's partly decompensation.

Mine was worse in the middle. In the period of time between me leaving the nest for college, and dividing labor by strengths with my wife. It’s certainly always been there looking back on it (got a diagnosis late at 35)

I became more aware of my symptoms. I don’t think they are particularly worse though lol

My memory has gotten worse and worse. I think it's a matter of age, neurological damage/cognitive decline due to bipolar disorder and other stressful events, and worsened memory that was never great because of ADHD. I need to write everything down nowadays. Other than that, no; I think the rest of the symptoms have been similar throughout my life.

I got diagnosed because I started recognizing certain problems I had and how they were negatively impacting my life and wanted to know what was going on.

I did not expect the diagnosis I was given (BPD, ADHD and a referral to see a specialist to test for autism) because I don't recall ever having any of the issues affecting me I now have when I was a kid. I had no anxiety. I had no problems with selective mutism. Didn't have a problem staying on task, etc. I did have some issues regulating my emotions but that more indicates I've always had BPD than ADHD.