Fucking bonkers. Between this an McD's changing their ToS to say using their app waives any right to non-arbitration dispute, something needs to be done about companies trying to effectively write new laws into their ToS. This shit is beyond egregious

No satire? Guess anything on the internet is out of the question then.

Engaging or providing subjective negative reviews

What do they think a review is?! If they wanted an advertisement, buy an ad spot on Google ya cheap bastards.

No way they can enforce that. I hope nobody is going to intimidated by this.

I hope there is a bunch of really sarcastic positive reviews, listing everything they hate about the game as if it’s what they really love about the game.

It must be a REALLY good game. Only the best games that were already going to get high reviews would ever resort to such a policy

"I signed a contract that forbids me from saying anything negative about this game. I am therefore contractually obligated to say nothing"

Shows that they have amazing confidence in their product. This is the same to me as saying "We know it sucks so please don't say so if we give you this key."

My first thought is: This is probably a shitty game because if it was good, they wouldn't be worried.

It says not to leave "subjective bad reviews". As in, objectively bad is fine.

This is utter hogshit, but also seems relatively easy to work around. "I am legally forbidden from sharing my opinions on the quality of Marvel Rivals." is a pretty clear and succinct review that technically flies under their legal fuckery.

Basically makes any test results null and void

UPDATE:

https://gamerant.com/marvel-rivals-apologizes-alpha-banning-controversy/

This is market manipulation at its best. The whole board should be jailed for it.

Every reviewer who signed this should post a review, but of the business practices and why not to buy the game.

They saw what MKBHD's honest reviews did to Fisker and Humane and said "can we stop that from happening?"

As stupid as it is, it doesn't stop a creator from simply demonstrating issues, without commentary. Just show people the issues and don't remark on them.

That being said, nobody should sign this. Trying to forbid people from making satirical remarks? What the crap?

Well that's stupid. Getting negative reviews is also a good thing. It allows you to re-evaluate your product(s). Pretty much you're going to sell a half assed product, pretending it's amazing because you refused to take critically-negative feedback from your paying customers. Guess they just want to completely obliterate their company.

This is so stupid. Isn't this a free-to-play game? With one-time-purchase games you can try to fool people, then take your money and leave while people complain about the game behind you.

But this is a free-to-play game, they intend to make money by gradual ongoing revenue from in-game purchases, etc. You can't fool people who are actively playing the game.

The contract hurts their image, and prevents them from receiving critical feedback.