Warning: Vomit, other disgusting things
I posted this here, as I am autistic and would rather get an autistic people's experience. To clarify, I was never worried of what I would consider weak drug addiction (niccotine, caffeine, etc), but I never did drugs, because I considered them unhealthy (lung, other kinds of cancer). Upto highschool I was surrounded by stereotypes against drugs, so I always pictured them as misunderstood and, if they were properly implemented, a useful coping mechanism for stress and some other autism related problems.
Well, let's summarize the last couple of days: As some of my schoolmates used them, the nicotine pouches came to my atention. As they were completely cancer-risk free. I was still worried about oral health but not to a big extent and considered using them. In a conversation with a schoolmate, I mentioned, I was considering using them and practically made me talk to one of the users. As I was stressed because of the exams at school, I didn't think clearly and didn't think about my very low tolerance to nicotine (i did almost vomit many times other people smoked around me) and didn't rethink addiction, I didn't reject it (as I should). I then took it after school with him and another friend. And it had very serious effects, which I didn't expect (nausia, trembeling, etc) instead of just general decreased anxiety and happyness, I expected. I barely even walked to the bus stop with them. After they started telling me their experiences, I started regreting it, but I still didn't remove it or mentioned it. Then we split as they entered the bus and I walked to my stop. Well that's when the things started getting interesting. I barely even knew my name, as I was sitting on the wall next to the station for 8 minutes (thankfuly, it was late, otherwise I would have missed it). After entering, I couldn't even scan my bus card. Then I just took a seat somewhere and hoped to peacefully wait it out. After that I thought it was over, I just started vomiting and did it until I practically emptied myself. I wanted not to bring atention to myself, but it was too late as somebody reported me to the driver. Vomit, coupled by Autism (eye contact, barely being able to speak stressed) immediately convinced him I was on drugs (even if the psychological effects temporarly wore off). Then he threw me out at my stop, bullied me one last time before leaving. Then I hid as much vomit as I could, went home and planed the cleaning. At home, while cleaning, I noticed, I was very organised (probably a nicotine effect). While cleaning, I needed to take 4 12min breaks in bed to even be able to stand. I noticed, my sound sensitivity hightened to a enormous level and later, I was intensly stimming and I somehow got a lot of ADHD simptoms (i surely don't have ADHD), like forgetting why I came in a room, forgeting to do things, etc. I figured out there is no good addiction.
- Why is it so intense?
- How do people even enjoy this?
- Are the psychological simptoms related to autism?
- Am I already addicted as I have a lot of symptoms of withdrawal? Of course feel free to comment anything else.
Edit: Forgot to mention, the effects are acording to my friend the only effects. They aparently wear off. This brings me to another question:
- Why do people even want to keep doing it, I don't mean have to (addiction)?