Authorities in the Russian Republic of Chechnya have announced a ban on music that they consider too fast or slow.

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[–] 382 points 2 years ago (8 children)

Music too fast? Straight to jail.

Music too slow? Believe it or not, straight to jail.

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  • [–] 52 points 2 years ago (3 children)

    Sounds like a healthy form of governance. People can't be trusted to manage tempo on their own. They should do this for heart rates as well.

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  • [–] 180 points 2 years ago (3 children)

    darude sandstrom ✖️

    careless whisper ✖️

    never gonna give you up ✔️

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    [–] 160 points 2 years ago (11 children)

    80 to 116 BPM. I actually chuckled audibly that the BPM was specified, I assumed it would be extremely vague.

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  • [–] 56 points 2 years ago (1 child)

    They couldn’t even make it higher than the DAW defaults at 120bpm. So you have new musicians that have never recorded accidentally producing music at 120 and breaking the law. This is the dumbest shit I’ve seen since last week. I don’t typically put anything together that is below 120. Looks like I’m on my way to being a Chechen fugitive.

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    [–] 98 points 2 years ago (2 children)

    Are they just late for 1st of April?

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  • [–] 95 points 2 years ago (3 children)

    So, they just banned the Russian national anthem too, since that sits at 76 bpm?

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    [–] 87 points 2 years ago (22 children)

    Not even Nazi Germany or Stalin's Soviet Union had this arbitrary and stupid of a music ban.

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  • [–] 20 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (4 children)

    In Soviet Union, the rock genre was for a very long time existing underground due to the inability of artists to be properly published.

    Only starting with the 1980s could the artists finally publish their songs officially. And even then Soviet government put a lot of measures to prohibit rock music in the country.

    This resulted in the appearance of many beloved bands and artists, like

    • Kino (tl. Cinema),
    • DDT,
    • Aria,
    • Chaif,
    • Grazhdanskaya Oborona (tl. Civil Defense),
    • Mashina Vremeni (tl. Time machine),
    • Sektor Gaza (tl. Gas Sector)
    • Korol i Shut (tl. King and Jester)
    • And many others

    The history of Russian rock is actually quite fascinating. It was inspired by bard songs and often touched darker subjects as well as being satirical and judgmental of Soviet government.

    Due to that, some artists, like Yegor Letov from Grazhdanskaya Oborona and Yuri Shevchuk from DDT, had troubles with KGB (Soviet FBI).

    Nowadays, rock artists are still being persecuted for their views. For example, DDT is de facto prohibited from performing in Russia.

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  • [–] 82 points 2 years ago* (3 children)

    The Russian national anthem is 76 beats per minute lol….

    Which is banned

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    [–] 61 points 2 years ago (4 children)

    Ok but what about double time? This rule is so ridiculous if it was a joke I would think it's too unrealistic

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    [–] 48 points 2 years ago (4 children)

    They're inching closer to the plot of Footloose.

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    [–] 42 points 2 years ago (1 child)

    Wait... Did The Onion buy out CNN?

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    [–] 39 points 2 years ago (2 children)

    Read up a bit on the Chechnyans and their relationship with Russia.

    Apparently, their leaders were responsible for atrocities on par with typical Russians.

    I don't really have sympathy for them. They support people who assassinate journalists as a "birthday gift" to Putin.

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    [–] 38 points 2 years ago (5 children)
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    [–] 36 points 2 years ago (5 children)

    This is memeable, yes; but usually when news like this starts coming out a nation shit’s definitely gone sideways for it.

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    [–] 35 points 2 years ago (2 children)

    Writes a song at 115 BPM. Makes it use double time. Occasionally changes tempo to 161 BPM half-time. Adds three layers of polyrhythms to it. Spices things up with metric modulation between 4/4, 13/8 and 17/7. Hides a sample of the "trolololo song" somewhere in there.

    Trollface.jpg

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    [–] 34 points 2 years ago (3 children)

    I guess next thing Kadyrov will make his horse a consul.

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    [+] 33 points 2 years ago* (last edited 7 months ago)
    [–] 31 points 2 years ago (1 child)

    Imma go blow some Chechnyan minds with my happy hardcore outfit that plays songs at 100bpm, but only plays 64th notes.

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    [–] 27 points 2 years ago (1 child)

    So, believe or not straight to jail, then?

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  • [–] 25 points 2 years ago (3 children)

    Was trying to figure out why this felt so familiar, then I remembered it's literally a plot point in the game Beholder 3, a game about an excessively oppressive surveillance government. Wild.

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    [–] 24 points 2 years ago (2 children)

    RIP the Chechen Drum n Bass scene 😢

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    [–] 23 points 2 years ago (2 children)

    80-115 bpm only.

    What is their legal definition of a beat?

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    [–] 23 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (3 children)

    BPM between 80 and 130 116 are allowed. Their own national anthem is almost criminally low!

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    [–] 20 points 2 years ago (2 children)

    So what’s the opposite of eating the onion, and not believing that this is actual news, but it is?

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    [+] 19 points 2 years ago* (last edited 6 months ago)
    [–] 19 points 2 years ago (2 children)

    saving us from the national menace that is cotton eye joe.

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  • [–] 18 points 2 years ago

    RIP nightclubs. RIP Cheeki Breeki.

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  • [–] 17 points 2 years ago (1 child)
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    [+] 16 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)
    [removed by mod]
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