I had to look up what "octopus" means in terms of diving equipment to alleviate myself of a mental image of each of you diving with a little sea creature friend snuggled up on you, which for some reason you'd grab if distressed.

It'd never wark out between us.

I have been chuckling like a dork at this particular patent since such things first became searchable online, and have never found any evidence of it being manufactured and marketed at all.

The "non-adhesive adherence" is illustrated in the diagrams on the patent which you can see at the link. The inventor proposes "a facing of fluffy fibrous material" to provide the filtration and the adherence; basically this thing is the softer side of a velcro strip, bent in half with the fluff facing outward so it sticks to the inside of your buttcrack to hold itself in place in front of your anus and filter your farts through it.

Pretty much every comic who guested as one of Dr. Katz's patients can count that appearance among their best work. I loved that show so much, and not enough people know about it anymore.

I most loved how Kevin Conroy's Batman from the Animated Series portrayed this aspect of the character. Conroy did measurably different voices for Batman and Bruce which made it completely clear that Bruce was the false persona being put on for appearances while Batman was the real voice and personality, and also sold how good Batman was at pretending to be Bruce when needed. Conroy's Batman isn't just a ninja genius detective, he's also a good actor, and to portray that as well as he did Conroy had to be an awesome actor.

How the hell has Benedict Cumberbatch not played this man in a film yet?

YOU
        WOULDN'T
QUILT A
          CAR

Tell him that impersonating a police officer is a serious crime.

Many places have ways to drop off a bit of e-waste for free. In my area electronics manufacturers who sell their products in the state have to facilitate free recycling of e-waste. In practice this means pretty much any large electronics shop has a bin somewhere you can freely leave stuff to get recycled.

Because you can.

And in all likelihood forcing your fingerprint or face unlock is perfectly legally acceptable for them to do. A password or a code is something they'd have to force you to say and ultimately you can choose not to (though they're still fine to just try and hack out a pin/pattern on their own, or use phone-cracking tools or backdoors) but you have no defense whatsoever against your biometrics being used.

Try this invention from 1977!

(I love an excuse to bring up my favorite thing out of the US Patent database.)