[-] christian@hexbear.net 11 points 2 hours ago

I'm morbidly curious just how bad the advice given for this is.

[-] christian@hexbear.net 9 points 1 day ago

It's more like his anti-onion effect is that onion articles will never compete with the real headlines because satire requires some level of subtlety to be funny, but truth has no such handicap.

[-] christian@hexbear.net 27 points 1 day ago

I was standing in front of my parked car on I-684 cutting the penis out of a road killed raccoon, thinking about how weird some of my family members have turned out to be

No fucking way is this a real quote.

[-] christian@hexbear.net 6 points 2 days ago

What are the odds Iran starts trolling Trump with weekly surprise announcements shortly before market closure?

[-] christian@hexbear.net 9 points 5 days ago* (last edited 3 hours ago)

The public see our astronauts as clean-cut, athletic go-getters. They hate people like that.

[-] christian@hexbear.net 44 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

I'm having trouble even imagining the demographic that thought an Eric Adams memecoin was a worthwhile investment in 2026.

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submitted 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) by christian@hexbear.net to c/chapotraphouse@hexbear.net

Five days late here, but fuck it.

Followup question Mr. Jeffries - could you explain the difference between those two concepts?

[-] christian@hexbear.net 68 points 9 months ago

The biggest reason I can't picture this as a DNC-orchestrated conspiracy is that it would imply the democrats had actually considered the possibility that the 2016 general election might require more effort than going totally afk to enjoy a slam-dunk win.

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submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by christian@hexbear.net to c/mathematics@hexbear.net

link

It's kind of shocking to me that the uncyclopedia still exists. I found my old favorite article, now twenty years old and you can definitely tell it's dated. The premise is that when discussing tragedies in politics, the holocaust is universally understood as awful, so jackasses discusing politics will often feel inclined to compare their pet issue to the holocaust. The article rephrases this as the holocaust is a specific colimit among tragedies in the category of political fields, where the existence of maps into this colimit remains conjectural.

Unfortunately, being a wiki, countless users since have put great effort into ruining the original article (I'm actually shocked the core is still somewhat intact tbh), but I took the time to hunt down the very last version written before that process was started.

The article being ruined is the reason this is a text post with a link in the body, rather than posting the link directly. As soon as I posted this the first time I had to delete pronto because the auto-generated summary was horrible to the point where it would have earned me a permanent ban. I wasn't expecting linking an old version to still generate the summary using the current one.

Author is a liberal, which will undoubtedly grate on a lot of you, but I'm sharing anyway because the puns here are brilliant. Highlights incude politicomathematician Ralph Reed trying to prove the existence of a map from the category of abelian torsion groups (called ab-torsion for short) into the holocaust (his project is later shown to be incompatible with the axiom of choice), requiring the existence of left-wing and right-wing inverses in political fields ("undecided elements" are defined to be the identity elements), and endowing political fields with a topology so we can discuss "open issues" and "closed issues".

[-] christian@hexbear.net 53 points 1 year ago

Is it really impossible to repair this thing after being "sideswiped by an e-scooter"? Like, I've known as well as anyone else that the truck is a joke but how is that even possible?

[-] christian@hexbear.net 44 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

Initially, we’d hoped to publish our endorsement on June 27, 2024, in the hours after Joe Biden’s first televised debate against Donald Trump. Then, we’d hoped to publish it a few days later, following Biden’s highly anticipated July 5 interview with George Stephanopoulos.

Now, on Oct. 2, 2024, we are finally...

A+

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I am absolutely astonished. How does a person even make this connection? I cannot for the life of me imagine being able to come up with this from watching the debate.

[-] christian@hexbear.net 58 points 2 years ago

I'm not really a prolific poster anywhere because I have this unhealthy thing where if someone is angry at me online I actually feel bad and spend time introspecting. Your post actually makes me feel less alone, I generally am on hexbear to de-stress and I only remember his handle because no one else has given me an angry reply. People here have generally been polite in correcting my idiot opinions.

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Someone please help me articulate why this is somehow the funniest thing I have seen all day.

[-] christian@hexbear.net 57 points 2 years ago

It took me a minute as well but I'm pretty sure it's meant as "It will take more than that to break our spirit" and not "We'll need to try harder".

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submitted 2 years ago by christian@hexbear.net to c/games@hexbear.net

Yo-Kai Watch 3 post!

I'm trying to milk the remaining week out of one of my favorite games before Nintendo shuts down all the 3DS online stuff and I won't get to battle online anymore. The decent English-language sites for this game went down a while ago, so I tried using google auto-translate on the Japanese one.

This stood out to me because the English translators called this guy "Flash T. Cash" and I'm in shock at how much better his name is when just using google autotranslate: link

He's one of the 'Merican yo-kai, who comes from the faraway country of BBQ. (It's possible that the Japanese name for that nation doesn't translate to BBQ either.)

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Oxman, for her part, wasn’t sure what to make of her husband’s chivalrous tweeting, which had drawn even more attention to the allegations. (Through Ackman’s spokesperson, she declined to comment for this story.) Ackman wrote on X that the pressure from the Business Insider stories “could have literally killed her” and that he had seen others commit suicide in similar circumstances. “She was in a pretty dark place,” Ackman told me, adding that he tried to nudge her toward finding a silver lining: “I’m like, ‘Look, you didn’t do anything wrong; we’ll get this fixed,’ and ‘Actually, the more negative press, the -better. Once we turn this around, it’ll be good for your company.’” He wasn’t sure the pitch had landed —

wait for it...

“There were times when she said, ‘Please don’t tweet anymore’” — but he defended himself by pointing to memes online suggesting he had become a hero to wives everywhere. “There’s a meme going around that apparently I’m causing a lot of marriages to have trouble,” Ackman said. “Like this one where a husband emails his wife, ‘Honey, I did the dishes.’ And she’s like, ‘Big fucking deal. Did you see what Ackman’s doing for his wife?’”

From this nymag.com article.

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But in the week before the all-important caucuses, Scott Wagner, the recently installed head of the super PAC, was doing something that aides found puzzling: He was literally doing a puzzle.

In the headquarters of Never Back Down in West Des Moines, Iowa, Wagner was, according to some of his staff, spending a significant amount of time in the precious final few days constructing a peaceful 1,000-piece jigsaw puzzle of a landscape.

In a photo taken on Jan. 9, shared with NBC News by a Never Back Down team member, others in the room were hunched over their laptops.

“Staffers are putting their dedication and devotion to electing Gov. DeSantis and they come in and the CEO, the chairman of the organization, is sitting there working on a puzzle for hours,” said a Never Back Down staffer who was there.

Another Never Back Down staffer also said Wagner worked on it for “hours” in the week before Iowa.

In a comment to NBC News, Wagner noted that the “office puzzle” was “there when we arrived” and “became a sense of pride for the entire team and everyone chipped in a few minutes a piece to get it done.”

sources: original article, puzzle id

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I found this here and have verified the accuracy by copy-pasting into google translate myself.

My question is, is this discrepancy due directly to an intentional decision to translate differently, or is it because google translate has been trained on news articles that have been manually translated for English-speaking audiences?

(To be clear, both paragraphs should involve one person kicking another in the nuts, unless I'm missing something.)

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On Israeli efforts to minimize civilian casualties, NSC's John Kirby says: "We have seen some indications that there are there are efforts being applied in certain scenarios to try to minimize, but I don't want to overstate that."

Bet everyone who was getting all worked up over the bombing campaign feels pretty silly right now.

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submitted 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) by christian@hexbear.net to c/games@hexbear.net

The captain was responding to a robbery inside the Crenshaw Mall which took place on April 15th, 2017, the department reports, during which time Lozano and fellow former Officer Eric Mitchell were parked in their squad car less than 200 yards away, playing Pokémon GO. Court documents reveal that the officers then drove away from the scene of the robbery in pursuit of Snorlax and Togetic.

“There was a Larvitar earlier, when we first got out,” one officer can be heard to say while parked in the new footage, and later, “It’s nice to have more Pokéballs, and the potions.”

[-] christian@hexbear.net 47 points 2 years ago

That's like the most relatable thing here. I wouldn't iron my clothes for this shit today.

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christian

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