That will give them a couple of days to give the appointment to someone else. I hope I don't have to cancel though, the surgery is to debride infected foot ulcers. They're getting more painful and it hurts to wear shoes. If I have to cancel I'll be on the waiting list for who knows how long for another chance. I can't pay for it myself, I'm still waiting for my backpay. if anyone could help via paypal please PM me.

Sorry to ask for more help but this month is just proving to be a real challenge and problems keep coming. I'm still waiting for my disability benefit backpay and will still be thousands of pounds in debt when I finally get it due to a year and a half of interest payments as I lived off credit until it was maxxed out while i fought my disability appeal.

As you may know my landlady has gone away to be with her sick daughter. The daughter has now developed blood clots in her arms on top of everything else so she'll be gone a while. This means I have to manage alone. My grocery costs have skyrocketed because of this, not only do I have to pay to have them delivered as I now have nobody to drive me anywhere, but my landlady helps me with food preparation when necessary, things that I have trouble doing myself due to my disabilities like peeling, chopping etc. So right now I have to buy preprepared food which is more expensive. I'd prefer to wait until the end of the month before asking for help again, but I just don't think I can make it much longer without some extra food aid.

If anyone can help with that please send a supermarket gift card to DisabledAceSocialist@hotmail.com

This one takes debit, credit and google pay:

https://www.sainsburysgiftcard.co.uk/

This one takes crypto:

https://www.bitrefill.com/gb/en/gift-cards/sainsburys-in-store-digital-uk/

I have also received a date for my next foot surgery and it's on the 29th of this month as I was able to get a cancellation. I need to buy the supplies for this again as the NHS don't pay for them. I need two packs which each contain a shower boot (to keep the dressings dry after the surgery) and some dressings (as the dressings need to be changed daily). These packs are now £44 each so that's £88 in total for that, and I need a few other small items like iodine liquid and patches, and I hoped to get some anaesthetic gel to apply before the injections. And I need some more laundry disinfectant (to help prevent the surgical sites getting infected), which is £10.79 a bottle now. Overall about £150 is how much I need, and I really need to raise it before the 29th of this month. If anyone can help with this via paypal please PM me for the email address.

I spoke about how lately I've been having dreams where I'm a member by marriage of the Swedish or British royal families. I just woke from a dream where I was married to Lord John Grey, an aristocrat from the Outlander series. It was a lavender marriage as he's gay and I'm ace.

In this dream it as Christmas and we were planning to buy presents for his aristocratic friends and family. There were lots of old and middle aged women to buy for. I'd thought we were going to get them each a box of fancy chocolates or something, but they turned up and started demanding we buy them very expensive presents.

They stayed the night and one unpleasant old woman who clearly thought I wasn't good enough for John, liked the very expensive bed in her room and demanded that we buy her one just like it for Christmas. John agreed. I thought she was extremely spoilt, rude and entitled.

Why do I keep having these dreams?

Yet another horse whipped and raced to death to make money for capitalism.

I guess this is just a rant because I don't have a single friend or anyone to talk to in real life. I thought once I won my benefit appeal I'd be OK but I still haven't received my backpay and when I inquired they said first someone from the DWP actually has to start the process of initiating the backpay and then it can take up to another 6 weeks to receive it. There's no sign it has even been initiated yet.

On top of this I've just been screamed at by my landlady and I find it so hard to deal with confrontation and people being horrible to me, I really feel like just bursting into tears right now. Basically she's been letting me live here without paying rent all this time on the understanding I'd pay her back when I got my backpay, plus interest. The interest is because she's had to put many expenses on her credit card because she hasn't had my rent coming in. She needs a lodger to help pay the bills, so without her lodger, me, paying rent, she simply couldn't afford the bills and they've been going on a credit card.

The credit card racks up interest and it's my fault because I haven't been paying rent so of course I need to pay off the interest too, which I agree to. On top of this my own overdraft has been maxxed out beyond it's limit (so into an unarranged overdraft) for a long time, racking up interest charges too. This means my backpay, whenever it arrives, won't be enough to pay off all my debt because I have all these interest charges too, and it's a lot. Even after using all my backpay on debt I'll still be thousands of pounds in debt.

Well I had thought I'd pay off my overdraft but when I mentioned all this to my landlady today she became furious and said I have to pay her first before paying my own overdraft. I realise she's right but she was so awful about it, she unleashed all of her pent up frustration and anger about this ongoing situation on me by screaming in my face for like 20 minutes and not letting me a get a word in edgeways.

So my financial situation is still impossible, and this month I simply haven't got enough donations of food vouchers to see me through. On top of this my landlady's daughter has just had a major operation and is meant to be coming out of hospital very soon, maybe tomorrow, and my landlady is going to stay with her, maybe for weeks, to care for her and her kids. I'll be home alone with no-one to help me. Because of my disabilities I can't walk very far, the nearest bus stop is nearly a mile away, and I have many upcoming medical appointments. I don't qualify for the St John ambulance transport (you have to be either bedridden or on oxygen to qualify) and you have to pay for hospital transport. The only way to get to these appointments would be by taxi, or cancel the appointments. On top of all this with no-one to drive me I will have to order groceries delivered which is even more expensive. I just don't know how to manage, it's always too much to cope with and nothing ever gets better. I am really feeling again like $u1c1d£ is the best option.

I posted a few weeks ago about how I had a dream that I was a member of the Swedish royal family. In the dream the Skarsgards were the royal family and I was married to one of the sons. Last night I dreamt that I was a member of the British royal family, married to Prince Harry. I can't really remember what happened other than all the royals and I were in a house together watching TV and eating in separate rooms. At one point the King came to my door to speak to me.

Why do I keep dreaming about this? I don't even want to be royal, or married. What's extra annoying is that I used to have a lot of really vivid interesting dreams, but thanks to meds and health issues I have very poor sleep now and almost never dream any more. But when I do, it's this. I wonder if these dreams are trying to tell me something but I don't know what.

Pride: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt3169706/

It's about solidarity, gay people and working class people overcoming their prejudices about each other to work together and support each other's rights while fighting the fascist tory government who is trying to destroy them all. And it's so good and has an amazing soundtrack.

And here is a podcast on the real story behind the film: https://workingclasshistory.com/podcast/e23-25-lesbians-gays-support-the-miners/