this post was submitted on 31 Mar 2024
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This is why I may never be able to fully repair my relationship with my religious father after my own journey out, because I love him too much to undermine the belief that sustains him as an 87 year old.
My own journey out has been incredibly painful and challenging but that is MY life path, not his. He stuck with my mother for 25 years to the very end after her Parkinsons diagnosis and he got to watch her choke to death on some food at the end.
I really believe my father doesn’t need the religion to be that good and faithful, because he is just basically made of good stuff. But I will never attack his faith even though in my heart of hearts I find the foundations of that faith to be risible. What would be gained? What would it say about me if I did?
Yeah, I have no desire to "change" anyone either. As long as they are decent people, that's enough for me.
My philosophy is if they are truly happy with what they believe and aren’t harming other people with vitriolic speech or dogmatic beliefs just leave them be. It’s not harming anything for them to comfortable in their little bubble.
But when they put on their “holier than thou … I know better and I am going to push my beliefs on you” hat the gloves are off. Although it’s unlikely you’ll change their mind, you can usually score a few jabs that rock their world just a smidgeon.
All I want is an apology for forcing their religion onto me so aggressively as a child. I don't think that is too much to ask, but they sure seem to think it is.
not even an apology. I don't need anyone to be sorry. The nuns who beat me will never be sorry, they think that they're doing it for God and nothing can be wrong when you're doing it for God. But if one of the other adults that I trust could at least say 'Hey, they shouldn't have beat you with sticks. They were wrong for that.' it would make me feel like maybe I wasn't a fucking crazy person for not wanting to get beat with sticks. But they won't. Everyone pretends it didn't happen, or that it was some sort of misunderstanding, because everyone needs to maintain the delusion that everything the church does is good just because it's the church doing it. For years I was essentially told "that didn't happen because the church wouldn't do that but if they did it's because you deserved it". What can a six year old do to deserve being beaten with a yardstick by a grown woman?