Ask Lemmy

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There is a point where you cant control kids, outside influences just become too much.. My job isnt to shelter them at that point, but to teach them to navigate a world that doesnt care about them, while also teaching them to be confident in their choices and strong. You cant please everyone, but that doesnt mean you need to be an asshole or inconsiderate.

My older is approaching that. And my job will shift from one of protection to more advisory role with interventions only when absolutely necessary. It is what it is. Maybe my kids get bullied, actually its probable. Many bullies take out their frustration with homelife on others and my kids probably wont have too much of that to inflict on others. Ive seen it first hand. My parents were abusive by modern standards. I wasnt a bully myself (that I recall), but i didnt stand in the way of others that may have been. I was bullied to, probably not as much as others because I'm a bigger guy. But definitely because of my race.

What matters is how you deal with it and carry it. That said, moderation in all things will help. Mine wont be the first to have a cell phone, but probably not the last either. I dont plan to have any parental controls on there, they just teach deception and break trust. So whatever social media the kids are into will probably have my kids on it. The job isnt going to be to protect them from that, but to teach them to manage it and deal with it responsibly and keep their guard up.

Also, has anyone tried to tell a kid not to do something? It doesn't work lol. What kinda childhood did y'all have? Cause I very distinctly remember how kids were constantly getting around my school's filters. I remember how many people got stuff like alcohol and tobacco from their friends. Every kid figured out how to watch porn from an early age, too, despite the fact that all these arguments against social media apply to porn (and arguably porn is worse for people simply because of the unrealistic and unhealthy expectations it sets).

I'm not saying don't have rules just because your kids will break them. But accessing social media is such a hilariously easy rule to break. And kids won't respect you if they disagree strongly with your rules. Setting a "no alcohol" rule is socially acceptable, but a "no social media" rule is just gonna breed rebellion. Unlike alcohol, they're gonna be exposed to it every day through their friends. Their friends will send them links in chats. They will find ways around your rules and they'll resent you for them.

At best, you can just delay how long before kids get exposed to social media and how long before they figure out how to get around your rules. But the last one won't take long. My parents had stupid rules surrounding the internet and I learned fast how to get around them.

The much better approach is to talk to your kids. Teach them the dangers. Build a good rapport with them so that they trust you and will talk to you if they're being bullied or the likes. If you just ban something, your kids are gonna use it anyway but without any knowledge of the dangers and they will not come to you if something goes wrong. This is the exact same issue that comes up with alcohol and sex. It's not a new problem. Just a new thing being banned by a new generation.

I wasn't allowed to watch the Simpsons or Blossom when growing up either because they were too rude and adult respectively. I definitely felt left out and kids made fun, but I get it now. Kids will (and DID!) make fun of anything, but I get the idea of sheltering kids. People try to do it today with gun violence. Maybe I feel differently because my parents explained why they were banning them, but "it's trashy" was at least a justification, even if I didn't agree with it.