Ask Lemmy
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Nothing. Don't say or do anything on instances ran by people you don't trust.
If privacy is that important to you though, set up an email address for your "online" aliases so it can't tie you to your real name. Also if you are really worried about IP addresses leaking (IMO, you probably shouldn't be), just use a VPN. And don't send people PMs that you don't want to end up having to justify to a lawyer.
Also note that I can't think of anything that would kill an instance faster than their admin leaking email addresses and PMs. Most people are probably not important enough to risk killing an entire instance over.