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Another thing that can happen is you can grow up able to see clearly that you're an obligation for your parents they didn't want. You feel like they're always angry with you even if you're perfectly behaved. Then they tell you they gave up their entire life for you, clearly bitter and regretting that.
There is a non zero chance I could make my kids feel this awful for existing, and that already would be a non starter. But on top of that there's like 14 other reasons.
I'm not sure what you're protesting about what I wrote. I didn't attack you. I just don't understand how people ignore all the anxiety they will certainly have with kids in addition to all the other additional anxiety if anything about the kid goes especially wrong.
Well this comment at least tells us something about how you might have felt when younger. I did not always see eye to eye with my parents but in the end, I felt like they loved me and the amount of happiness I experienced as a kid is almost immeasurable. I'm on team #nokids, but for a lot of people, the love they can experience through children is unique and powerful, and understanding that is not that much of a struggle for me.
That's the thing, having kids is a unique experience just like not having kids is a unique experience. Being an individual is fundamentally a unique experience. Yet this whole conversation gets wrapped up in normative language like this which clearly expresses social preference for the former.
When I hear someone say that having children changed them in a profound way, I don't hear anything other than "climbing a mountain is profound" or "laying on the couch all day is profound." There is uniqueness and profound cumulative existence baked into to every heartbeat, but apparently a lot of people have trouble with this simple idea.
My comment mentioned nothing about the positive sides to kids. They obviously exist. The point I was making is I am surprised so many people opt into the most anxiety I think you probably can opt into.
Fortunately we've had millions of years to evolve coping mechanisms for whatever anxieties we may feel as parents. Given that reproduction is key to life, you probably shouldn't be as surprised as you are.
For millions of years we didn't have birth control. We do now and that for sure is a huge factor. No one here is mad at you for having kids. I mean, if you don't understand how some people find it scary that a small mistake equals a dead child , okay.. I'm just on the opposite side of that feeling.