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Having company over today. Had another moment of feeling my,,, shall we say strained relationship with tme people.
somewhat unpleasant discussion
My partner (afab) has a pretty complicated relationship with their gender and apparently they had actually been on testosterone for a time period until they were forced to stop. They have resolved to not go back on testosterone which is honestly a relief for me, unfortunately enough. I'm trying to interrogate my reaction to this a bit. I didn't tell him outright that I didn't particularly want him to go on T, which I probably should from a perspective of Communication Equals Good. Like the thing is if my partner did go on T it would probably be fine but I've internalized a lot of mistrust towards tme people, and like the last trans man I knew was kinda spearheading the transmysogynistic hate campaign against me. Lol this kinda sucks. I don't even think I have anything that I'm particularly upset about with the hypothetical of my partner going on testosterone. It's either 'the idea itself is unsettling' or the 'prospect of dating a Man is unsettling.' Hm yeah I'm definetly gonna have to talk about this with the partner. Tis a bit of a shame since I just bought plane tickets for them to visit me but hey.p.s.
I used to identify as bisexual, then I dropped the label and just went around without one, then started IDing as a lesbian after I got abused by some tme people. I've definetly been attracted to some men before but like it's always been way more women. I'm lowkey a political lesbian realistically and Oops I guess I'll admit it on this site and yeah it's a whole lot of a mess for me lolomfg i just had to google what tme means and jfc is the entire discourse around that term fucked and full of reflexive attempts to reconstruct the failing gender binary. To make matters worse, i looked into a reddit thread on the subject and realized that in the few months off that heelsite, i had lost all sense of scale for how smug and insufferable redditors are and how confident they can be a in their knowledge of a subject they know less than nothing about. I mean, i had remembered that i hate these dweebs, but i had literally forgotten how capable that site is of bringing out the absolute worst in people. Fuck that place. Anyway:
Mood, but how does that have anything to do with somebody being on testosterone or not? I was on testosterone up until a little over a year ago, that didn't make me a man in any way. My FWB is pre HRT, i have not once struggled to see her as a woman, and there hasn't been a single moment in the three months that we've been playdating were i thought "she treats me like a man does" or "she's acting like a dude rn". Not once. And i should know what i'm talking about, i've dated enough men in the past, i've seen enough straight relationships and gay male relationships to know how guys can act both when they're at their best and when they're at their worst. And that's not how my gal pal or any other pre HRT transfem i've ever met act. Yes, i'm certain her moods and some of her behaviors will change once she can go on E, i know how much the stuff does and how it affects our psychology, but it will not make her a different person, she'll just be the same wonderful, compassionate, elegant, kind and cute catgirl she is already, but happier with herself.
And when your partner has had such a complicated relationship with gender and with being on T, why'd you assume that having been on T in the past is a problem in any way? T isn't this magic juice that completely controls your behavior, that's bioessentialist, biodeterminist bs and you should confront and challenge such ideas if you carry them around with you.
noo i cant even imagine what the galaxy brains at reddit have to say about transmisogyny...
yeah it really shouldnt, youre pretty right about that
ah i dont think my partner having been on T is a problem, the thing that was giving me unsettling feelings is the idea that they might go back on t, which is ofc the problem here. honestly typing this now (and I guess after reading what you said) the idea doesn't seem to be as big of a problem in my mind, so thanks for helping me air things out
As with most things on reddit, you're better off not knowing.
Your identity is entirely valid, regardless of whether or not it is a result of abuse, partly or entirely. If you swear off dating men permanently due to abuse and are attracted to women, you're a lesbian in my books
thanks, I appreciate that