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Court rules Gabe Newell must appear in person to testify in Steam anti-trust lawsuit (www.pcgamer.com)
submitted 2 years ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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[-] [email protected] 57 points 2 years ago

*Gabe starts gesturing to his lawyer to do something*

"Just answer the question."

[-] [email protected] 43 points 2 years ago

I mean the simple response from the lawyer is, "Objection, relevance," and the question gets tossed out.

I demand accuracy in my jokes, even if it kills them.

[-] [email protected] 37 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

"Objection, relevance?"

"Public interest."

(Though in my joke I meant his lawyer, instead of objecting, would entreat his client to answer the question)

[-] [email protected] 20 points 2 years ago

Ah, I understand now. [MODIFYING JOKE MATRIX TO ACCOMMODATE NEW INFORMATION]

"Your honor, I need to fire my lawyer."

"Mr Newell, no competent lawyer in this country would defend you on this point. If you do not answer the question I will hold you in contempt."

[-] [email protected] 12 points 2 years ago

“Bailiff, seize him.”

[-] [email protected] 5 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

*Half Life 3 drops from his pocket*

"THAT'S NOT MINE"

[-] [email protected] 4 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

“It’s actually all of yours. Check you computers, they all have Half Life 3 installed.”

Gabe puts on a top hat, pulls out an umbrella and floats away.

[-] [email protected] 5 points 2 years ago

This is how we win

[-] [email protected] 2 points 2 years ago

Lmao this is great

[-] [email protected] 37 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

Gaben will then slowly drop his head and whisper into the microphone with a wry chuckle - "You fool. You have just activated my trap card."

Immediately, the Half Life 3 release will drop. Gaben has been holding it back, continuously updating for decades, awaiting exactly this moment. The judge, completely flabbergasted at the proceedings will immediately declare a mistrial. Legal scholars will then study the "Gaben defense" for decades.

[-] [email protected] 1 points 2 years ago

No comment.

[-] [email protected] 1 points 2 years ago

Does "no comment" count as an answer?

this post was submitted on 25 Nov 2023
666 points (97.7% liked)

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