666
Court rules Gabe Newell must appear in person to testify in Steam anti-trust lawsuit (www.pcgamer.com)
submitted 2 years ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
268 comments fedilink hide all child comments
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[-] [email protected] 176 points 2 years ago

They get him on the stand and the judge says " so Mr Newell, remembering you are under oath, when is Half Life 3 being released?"

[-] [email protected] 57 points 2 years ago

*Gabe starts gesturing to his lawyer to do something*

"Just answer the question."

[-] [email protected] 43 points 2 years ago

I mean the simple response from the lawyer is, "Objection, relevance," and the question gets tossed out.

I demand accuracy in my jokes, even if it kills them.

[-] [email protected] 37 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

"Objection, relevance?"

"Public interest."

(Though in my joke I meant his lawyer, instead of objecting, would entreat his client to answer the question)

[-] [email protected] 20 points 2 years ago

Ah, I understand now. [MODIFYING JOKE MATRIX TO ACCOMMODATE NEW INFORMATION]

"Your honor, I need to fire my lawyer."

"Mr Newell, no competent lawyer in this country would defend you on this point. If you do not answer the question I will hold you in contempt."

[-] [email protected] 12 points 2 years ago

“Bailiff, seize him.”

[-] [email protected] 5 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

*Half Life 3 drops from his pocket*

"THAT'S NOT MINE"

[-] [email protected] 4 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

“It’s actually all of yours. Check you computers, they all have Half Life 3 installed.”

Gabe puts on a top hat, pulls out an umbrella and floats away.

[-] [email protected] 5 points 2 years ago

This is how we win

[-] [email protected] 2 points 2 years ago

Lmao this is great

[-] [email protected] 37 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

Gaben will then slowly drop his head and whisper into the microphone with a wry chuckle - "You fool. You have just activated my trap card."

Immediately, the Half Life 3 release will drop. Gaben has been holding it back, continuously updating for decades, awaiting exactly this moment. The judge, completely flabbergasted at the proceedings will immediately declare a mistrial. Legal scholars will then study the "Gaben defense" for decades.

[-] [email protected] 1 points 2 years ago

No comment.

[-] [email protected] 1 points 2 years ago

Does "no comment" count as an answer?

[-] [email protected] 14 points 2 years ago

"There is no Half-Life 3, there will be no Half-Life 3."

[-] [email protected] 8 points 2 years ago

Half life alyx was hl3

[-] [email protected] 7 points 2 years ago

Forget HL3; where's HL2: Episode 3? I wanna know what the fuck happened to that garden gnome I carried all the way from the beginning to the rocket at the end.

[-] [email protected] 5 points 2 years ago

If this happened I think Gabe would just say "it's not happening, not at least the way you all want" and then we get some half life cyberchip augmented reality game in another 15 years (it is good though)

this post was submitted on 25 Nov 2023
666 points (97.7% liked)

Games

38929 readers
703 users here now

Welcome to the largest gaming community on Lemmy! Discussion for all kinds of games. Video games, tabletop games, card games etc.

Rules

1. Submissions have to be related to games

Video games, tabletop, or otherwise. Posts not related to games will be deleted.

This community is focused on games, of all kinds. Any news item or discussion should be related to gaming in some way.

2. No bigotry or harassment, be civil

No bigotry, hardline stance. Try not to get too heated when entering into a discussion or debate.

We are here to talk and discuss about one of our passions, not fight or be exposed to hate. Posts or responses that are hateful will be deleted to keep the atmosphere good. If repeatedly violated, not only will the comment be deleted but a ban will be handed out as well. We judge each case individually.

3. No excessive self-promotion

Try to keep it to 10% self-promotion / 90% other stuff in your post history.

This is to prevent people from posting for the sole purpose of promoting their own website or social media account.

4. Stay on-topic; no memes, funny videos, giveaways, reposts, or low-effort posts

This community is mostly for discussion and news. Remember to search for the thing you're submitting before posting to see if it's already been posted.

We want to keep the quality of posts high. Therefore, memes, funny videos, low-effort posts and reposts are not allowed. We prohibit giveaways because we cannot be sure that the person holding the giveaway will actually do what they promise.

5. Mark Spoilers and NSFW

Make sure to mark your stuff or it may be removed.

No one wants to be spoiled. Therefore, always mark spoilers. Similarly mark NSFW, in case anyone is browsing in a public space or at work.

6. No linking to piracy

Don't share it here, there are other places to find it. Discussion of piracy is fine.

We don't want us moderators or the admins of lemmy.world to get in trouble for linking to piracy. Therefore, any link to piracy will be removed. Discussion of it is of course allowed.

Authorized Regular Threads

Related communities

PM a mod to add your own

Video games

Generic

Help and suggestions

By platform

By type

By games

Language specific

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
[email protected]
[email protected]
[email protected]
[email protected]
[email protected]