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How do I tell someone that a mutual friend is trans without dead naming them? (beehaw.org)

submitted 1 year ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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Context: I am visiting a high school friend. Another friend who we both knew in high school has posted some interesting things recently. This friend has changed their name, but the friend I am visiting is not following them and is not aware of their transition.

How do I bring up this friend without dead naming them?

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago

If someone mentions my dead name in the context of letting someone know what my new name is or that I've transitioned, that's fine with me. I'd rather it not be in front of me if at all possible, but if it happens it happens.

What I find a bit more complicated is running into people who don't recognize me. Like, sometimes I want to have them realize who I am, but I also don't want to root my identity in something that didn't fit me and also just has a lot of trauma attached to it. I don't really like saying or acknowledging my old name, not just because it fails to represent who I am, but because of how it's been used by others in the past.

Most people usually recognize me even if it takes a second, so it doesn't come up super often, but it's awkward when it does and I haven't quite figured out how I feel about approaching it.