this post was submitted on 21 Sep 2023
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the_dunk_tank
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It's the dunk tank.
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The only thing men should carry is a 5 inch pocket knife, a Bad Motherfucker Wallet, a huge keychain with a bottle opener and multitool and unapproved Tritium illunimated vial, and a powerful metal flashlight, and a solid metal pen with a gimmick way of opening it, and a little notebook that says "Field Notes" on the cover, and the cover is the same color as the scales on the pocket knife. and a polymer frame Subcompact pistol, and $300 Seiko watch, and a zippo lighter, and a little metal fidget toy or lucid dreaming token, and a leatherman, and a small canvas pouch, and a Sony Xperia I V, and a super old, kind of shitty, really skinny pocket knife, and a titanium ridgewallet, and a Casio calculator watch.
A bottle opener? Fucking weak. Nothing more Fem-coded than using an actual bottle opener to open a bottle. Real men use a cigarette lighter or just the calluses on their hands.
Real men use their bottom teeth to bend the cap open.
You're gonna get pretty thirsty carrying all that around. Better bring a Camelback™️
and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
You forgot a set of professional lock picks and a set of sunglasses that have the mirrored parts so that you can see behind you without having to turn all the way around.