this post was submitted on 15 Sep 2023
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Unlucky in love friend is losing their mind again, and I kind of feel bad because I think it's honestly their fault. I've tried to be nice about how to approach the dating scene differently or maybe having some self reflection, but it's clearly not getting through. They talk to these people for like weeks without a physical date and then completely meltdown when it all breaks down because they thought this person was "the one" in a long line of "the one's". I don't know, I just think they have some issues that they perhaps need to work out or maybe I'm clueless in terms of online dating since I don't do it, all my dates come from friends referrals or people I've met at some group thing.
It's really just a trap to try to get to know people properly for potential romantic relationships online before meeting IRL. Like sure, brief interactions online are nice. But you can't know shit until IRL meeting imo
This reminds me of me. I am never going back to online dating again because it gives so much false hope in my experience. I think all you can do with this person is stick by them and hope that they'll learn their lesson one day. When you have the "love brain" switched on, it's really difficult to think logically. Therapy helps and really noticing how you feel.
I'm always as kind as I can be because I do think that the follies of online dating also play a large part in the issue, especially in terms of exaserbating things. But as a whole I'm beginning to think their personal issues with attachment and self esteem really need to be addressed in a professional setting.
There are specific probs with internet dating and internet communication.
People are quicker to share private information on the internet, this leads to feelings of intimacy at an accelerated pace. It's generally not real. Not seeing facial expressions means no body language feedback , less nuance and leads to less fear of negative feedback, and that leads to greater positive feelings than may be merited by the facts..
iow, bias and difficulty in having reality check.
These aren't personality or emotional problems that need therapy from a psych, it's just a function of internet communication.
So speak very plainly on the net and meet in real life as much as possible.