Imagine being dead, buried and just a skeleton right now. That'd be pretty fun, wouldn't it? Haha...ha. I hate myself so fucking much.

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[–] [S] 1 point 1 hour ago (4 children)

moreI just wish I wasn't here anymore. I really honestly wish I wasn't born in the first place. If I knew I'd be trans I'd somehow go back in time and convince my mother to get an abortion. It hurts. 8 months HRT and I have nothing to show for it. Nothing has changed. Face still as caveman like as ever, body still inverted triangle ultra masculine. What a joke I am honestly. What a fucking joke. And to think I was so naive to think I started early, that I'd pass one day. What a load of bs. If anything I look more masculine now than I ever did. I'm literally a guy with boobs, that's all I am and all I'll ever be. Fuck this body. Fuck this world and fuck this life. I want out so badly but I'm literally not strong enough to end it. I literally can't. The only thing that will happen is I'll get the police called on me again if I start being too honest with people with how much I'm struggling. I can't anymore, sorry.

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  • [–] [S] 2 points 1 hour ago (3 children)

    moreI hope something terrible happens to me. I hope I meet someone in a dark alley. Don't care what they do but I hope I suffer. Maybe then I'll find the strength. Maybe. I hope I die one day.

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  • [–] [S] 1 point 1 hour ago (2 children)

    moreI couldn't even not ruin the one place I felt safe, the one community that accepted me. I fucked that up too. I can't even follow the simplest rule, like not posting literal porn, twice. I'm that stupid, if you can believe it. I sure can, I did it. I fucking suck.

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  • [–] [S] 1 point 1 hour ago (1 child)

    moreAnd what am I now? That which I criticized. A drugged up mess that doesn't even qualify as a human. After criticizing alcohol my whole life, I pick up something even worse. The hypocrisy hurts. I'm such an arrogant asshole. I pick up something that I think is keeping me alive. I still think it is. It's a mistake, but hey, I'm alive? That's great isn't it? I don't think so.

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  • [–] [S] 1 point 1 hour ago

    moreI'm gonna vomit. Not because of the drugs but because I make myself sick, literally. That's how much I hate myself. I wanna puke just realizing what I am, what my body and existence are. I'm the worst. I'm the worst fucking person in this goddamn world. I'm completely worthless, not even good for sex. Not even good for anything. I'm the worst...

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