Imagine being dead, buried and just a skeleton right now. That'd be pretty fun, wouldn't it? Haha...ha. I hate myself so fucking much.

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[–] [S] 2 points 8 hours ago (4 children)

moreI couldn't even not ruin the one place I felt safe, the one community that accepted me. I fucked that up too. I can't even follow the simplest rule, like not posting literal porn, twice. I'm that stupid, if you can believe it. I sure can, I did it. I fucking suck.

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  • You haven't fucked that up. Yes we removed it, but it's far from something that's irredeemably destroyed your ability to be here.

    One thing I would really recommend is to recognize how much your thoughts and emotions are being affected by forces outside of your control. With the manic fun we've been having with you for the last couple weeks comes the deep low you're in right now. Knowing what's happening will not make the sadness go away, but it can help you avoid blaming yourself as much. While you'll still be in pain, at least you can disregard a bit of the self hatred.

    Also, don't trust yourself about your appearance. I and many others think you look like a cute girl, even if you don't believe us. You're far from ruined and got to start far earlier than a lot of us have.

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  • [–] [S] 1 point 8 hours ago (2 children)

    moreAnd what am I now? That which I criticized. A drugged up mess that doesn't even qualify as a human. After criticizing alcohol my whole life, I pick up something even worse. The hypocrisy hurts. I'm such an arrogant asshole. I pick up something that I think is keeping me alive. I still think it is. It's a mistake, but hey, I'm alive? That's great isn't it? I don't think so.

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  • [–] [S] 1 point 8 hours ago (1 child)

    moreI'm gonna vomit. Not because of the drugs but because I make myself sick, literally. That's how much I hate myself. I wanna puke just realizing what I am, what my body and existence are. I'm the worst. I'm the worst fucking person in this goddamn world. I'm completely worthless, not even good for sex. Not even good for anything. I'm the worst...

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