Hey y'all, so I'm having a hard time even typing that I've had the crazy epiphany that I'm transfemme? I'm shaking with the anxiety it's inducing just to write that out.

I barely even know where to begin or where I want to go with this. I'm 30, and recently I had some thoughts I'd just labeled as "weird" and tried to shelve away. Funny enough my mental health had hit a new low at such a particularly close timing, wild coincidence I'm sure 🙃 Well yesterday night my lovely girlfriend (who, as I type all of this, I'm becoming more suspicious already knows) decided the next movie on our list HAD to be "I Saw The TV Glow" (not a first watch for her) and holy shit I've never had a movie hold a mirror up to me so plainly as to make me nauseous. I'm normally a huge crier and while it had my partner in crime leaking from the eyes at several points, I was left tearless and feeling like I'd been repeatedly punched in the gut before the ending made me feel sucker punched for the extra effort.

And the fucking movie still made me feel FUCKING HOPEFUL about this is I can just come out.

My family is all the type to support me, so I'm not as scared there (still pretty terrified tho). My biggest fear with all of this is disappointing myself again. I've done a lot of that and I don't know how much of that I can still take.

I don't even know what I want to hear from others right now but I appreciate anything. I'm just hoping writing this post keeps me from getting an ulcer.

Hope I'm not breaking any rules posting something so rant-y.