I need to work on my self-esteem issues, a lot of which are caused by my home life. I’m “not logical”, clumsy, dumb, not smart, etc.
But they call me smart when it comes to my schoolwork as in, “You’re smart, you can do your work.” When I’m stressed.
My family wants me to be perfect and I’m just not.
They make jokes when I’m upset, and when I’m upset or try to tell them, I’m “too sensitive” and they go on about how insecure and how weak I am.
I broke up with my partner. They said I was too sensitive and insecure because I was upset about having to block the person. One of them laughed and said “You’re still upset?” When it happened 30 minutes before they said that.
Even my sister puts me down or calls me names sometimes to fit in.
I don’t know your home life in detail at length, but you clearly don’t sound like you feel supported and I’m sorry you’re experiencing that. It’s perfectly fine for you to seek out friends and mentors that DO make you feel heard, seen, supported, understood, important, etc. - also know that you’ll eventually start your own life and those around you throughout childhood and your 20s will one by one all go away, for the most part, in one way or another. For the better or worse. Just appreciate and foster the good you experience from them while it’s here, and if you can try to ignore or work around the harmful or less helpful stuff. It’s not worth wasting your valuable youth and life in general on people who have abusive tendencies or who even just don’t add value to your life. That’s not to say everyone should benefit you personally, that’s how narcissists and bpd individuals think and behave, that also is problematic, but you can definitely work to cut out people who make your life harder, that’s not only fair, it’s necessary if you are to grow and be healthy as possible later in life.