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this post was submitted on 10 Aug 2026
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My 9 year old woke me up before 6 on a weekend saying "Dad, dad, there's an emergency!"
I got up to find the bathroom covered in sand and water and a toilet full of sand and shattered glass after a jar had been dropped in it.
Honestly, I had no idea what was going on, and yet complete certainly that someone was doing things they were not supposed to be doing and that the fact that I had to be awake right now means that this was going to be a bad day.
Don't worry though, there's a happy ending. We sold the child to a gang of poachers and regained all the free time and peace of mind we've been missing out on. And with the profits I plan to buy a Miata.
In our case we sold to a roaming band of gypsies. Which I didn't even think was a thing in the 21st century, New Zealand, until I posted an ad online
Right choice with the miata. Not sure how much you got for the kid but you could get a few miatas. Well you could a few years ago... the old ones seem popular these days... as they should be.
Miata is always the answer!
Seconded.
Hmmm, I had a similar emergency a bunch of years back but never thought to sell one of the kids.
In my case it was the town sanitation department trying to unclog the sewers by blasting a high pressure stream up my house’s drain line. The only consequence was me having a conversation with them about distinguishing the sewer lines from home drains
Funnily enough, this is a common tactic used to prevent having the kids in the first place and avoid these emergencies all together.